An Institute You Can Disparage

Story Sent in by Daniel:

I met Emma online and asked her out to dinner for our first date. The conversation went from typical small talk to, unexpectedly, Emma asking, "Could you see yourself marrying me?"

I replied, "We've known each other for 10 minutes."

She said, "So? In some countries, the men don't meet the woman they're going to marry until the day of the wedding. Arranged marriages."

"But not in this country. Isn't it better to get to know someone and let things happen naturally?"

She replied, "So you're saying that you can't see yourself marrying me. Is that it?"

"Based on knowing you for a couple of weeks online and a few minutes in person? No. But why don't we take our time and—"

She became a bit flustered. "So why am I even here now? If there's no chance that this will progress to marriage?"

"There isn't no chance, but we need to spend more time together to figure it out, don't we?"

She ran her hand through her hair. "I have it figured out. Don't know what the hell you're waiting for, but whatever. I mean, I'm nice, you seem to like me, and we get along. What else do you need?"

I replied, "Someone patient enough to realize that it might take more time than that for most people."

"If I got us a justice of the peace, right here, tonight, would you go through with it? I know a justice of the peace, and have his number on my phone. If you'd just—"

"I'm not marrying anyone tonight."

She spat, "I bet if a Playboy model walked through the door, you'd fall over yourself to propose to her."

I laughed. "And if a Playgirl model walked through the door? Without knowing anything else about the guy, you'd just propose to him, yourself? Just like that?"

She said, "You bet your ass I would. Good-looking and well-off."

"And so that's what you think of me?"

She said, "No. You're just the first guy in a year to message me. But never mind. You don't want to get married, obviously—"

"To you."

"—so let's just cut our losses and finish this waste of time in peace."

Shorty thereafter, when the waiter came to take our orders, she actually proposed to him. He (I'm guessing) pretended to be flattered, but turned her down when she told him that she was serious. I stuck around, hoping for some additional comedy on her part, but she was largely silent for the rest of dinner. Unsurprisingly, that was our only date.


(Greetings, ABCotD readers. Still on a road trip across America. Posts will still appear every day, although the daily timing might be a bit wonky for a few weeks. Then again, depending on my Internet access, you may not notice a blip at all. If I'm traveling through your area and anyone wants to grab a coffee, then give me a shout at abadcaseofthedates at gmail dot com. Today, I'll be through northeastern Wyoming. Amazingly, website stats say that at least one of you lives there. Tomorrow, more Wyoming, then into Utah. - Jared)


  1. Ye gods, what do you mean "for the rest of dinner"? Great story though, Gortdy.

  2. Replies
    1. It's like a "narf," but from the inside.

  3. Should have told her that you can't get married until you know if you are sexually compatible with someone, and that its non-negotiable. So, you either get awesome first-date nookie with a crazy chick, or she'll rid yourself of her forever. Win-win!


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