Soap on a Dope

Story Sent in by Amanda:

Brad and I had our first date at a coffee shop. He offered to pay for my drink, so I thanked him and asked for a white tea with honey. I then went to the bathroom and when I came out, he was seated with our drinks.

The coffee shop had a station next to a sink, where they kept sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, honey, and various other condiments. Brad told me, "I added the honey to your tea, but let me know if you need more." I thanked him, and we spoke for a bit while I waited for it to cool down.

When I did take a sip, it tasted horrible: bitter and not at all what I was expecting. He noticed and asked me, "Everything all right?"

I said, "This is not white tea, or if it is, they added something gross."

He took it from me and sniffed it. He recoiled, smelling it, too.

"It smells like..." he started, then glanced at the condiment area.

I asked him, "Are you sure you put honey in here?"

"Pretty... uh... sure..."

I stood and walked to the condiment table, where I saw that the honey had been placed right next to the honey-colored soap by the sink.

I had to laugh, and I spun to him and said, "Brad, you put dish soap in my tea."

He stood and walked over. "Are you sure?" he asked.

I replied, "Which of these did you put into my tea?"

He pointed to the honey, but hesitantly. I was about to playfully reprimand him, but he shouted right in my face, "It isn't my fault!"

Every head turned our way, and he bolted for the back door, nearly colliding with a couple who were walking in. I never saw him again.


  1. "He pointed to the honey, but hesitantly. I playfully reprimanded him, and he immediately offered to pay for a new one.

    I declined, we split the cost of a new tea and had a good laugh over it. Next week is our fifth anniversary."

    See, one little thing, and this whole thing could have turned out very, very differently.

    So... dodged a bullet there, OP!

    1. D R: I was hoping it would end that way, too.

    2. I'm such a sap. I totally was hoping for the happy ending too. Ah well. :(

  2. Wait, why is there a sink next to a condiment table anyway? Seems unsanitary to me... I wouldn't want people washing dirty things next to things I intend to ingest...

    1. This is why there are never sinks in kitchens. Ever.

    2. Kitchens do not equal public eating establishments.

      I keep food/condiments way clear of my kitchen sink, lest it come into contact with raw chicken juice or other such unsanitary substances.

      I CERTAINLY wouldn't want to pour honey into my tea that countless strangers splashed water on whilst they were washing their dirty hands. Pass! That's what public restrooms are for!

    3. That does seem like an odd place to put a sink, especially one with soap that looks like honey. The most logical explanation I can think of is that the building might not have been designed as a coffee shop originally, and they just sort of fit things around it as best they could?

  3. See, this is why insecure men rarely get laid - their inability to laugh things off means that every tiny problem becomes a huge issue. Good for the OP for dodging a bullet, and good for Brad for minimizing the chances of polluting the gene pool with his unique brand of Dumb.

  4. Yeah, it's sad, this could have been a really cute how-we-met story if the guy weren't a psycho.

  5. This actually happened to me, visiting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I ended up putting dish soap in my iced tea. It looked like a syrup dispenser to me.

    Thankfully I didn't drink any of it, and was able to handle the playful reprimands without issue.

    Married 4 years this May.

  6. I thought this would be a happy-ending-how I-met-my-partner tale too. What a disappointment.

    Seriously, though, if this fellow couldn't laugh off his honest mistake and blew up at his date, then he was a PSYCHO and the OP dodged a major bullet

    1. I wouldn't say "psycho," especially considering the fact that we've all actually read stories of legit people with psychotic tendencies on this site. I read his "blowing up" at her as extreme awkwardness and an inability to react accordingly to embarrassment.


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