The Sassed Unicorn

Story Sent in by Donnie:

Suzanne liked horses. I knew that based on what I read on her profile, based on her profile photos, and based on what she wrote in her messages to me. Myself, I was only kind of into horses, but I was pretty into Suzanne, so for our first date, I invited her out to a nature center about a half-hour away. There were horses there, a food stand in an old barn, and plenty to keep us occupied. We drove there separately and met in the lot.

When we arrived, she made straight for the horses. "Look at them!" she said, looking over the railing, into their paddock, "They're beautiful! I love horses!"

She was particularly drawn to a large white one. Even by my standards of not knowing a damn thing about horses, this was a nice-looking one.

I whistled as it trotted by. "Wow. Could be a unicorn."

Suzanne said. "You wouldn't know, even if it was. Only women can see unicorns."

I teased, "That was in The Last Unicorn, but it's not the truth. In real life, it's men who can see unicorns. That's why there are so few. Men hunted them almost to extinction."

Suzanne cried out, glanced from the white horse to me, and then clenched her fists and pounded away. At first, I thought she was joking, but when she kept going, I jogged after her, to see if she was actually upset.

She was. She said, "I can't tell you how upset you just made me! Get lost, dick!"

I replied, "But Suzanne, unicorns aren't, you know, real. It was a joke."

She wasn't hearing it. She made it all the way to her car, and drove away in tears.

I was already out there, so I went to the food stand and ordered lunch. I can only hope that it was made from unicorn meat.


  1. Donnie gave up too soon. He should have doubled down and held a knife to one of the invisible unicorns that only men can see, threatening to slit its throat unless Suzanne complied with his demands. (The knife would be invisible too because it's made of unicorn ivory, obviously.)

  2. This is why I'm leery of dating anyone who "loves" any one thing to the point of obsession.

    1. I think I agree... everything in moderation.

      Unless, of course, she's obsessed with giving me BJs...

    2. Be careful, Steve. A BJ obsession sounds great until she's gobbling you up at funerals, in front of your parents, and in restaurants, and you're chafing from all that hot, friction action.

    3. @Anthony. Dont. We had a story here some time ago about about a girl who was obsessed with the sea and see how that turned out

      Yes i have loads of time and im bored

  3. OP dodged a bullet. This chick apparently had a problem distinguishing reality from fantasy. One criteria for eligibility for membership into an adult age group is knowing the difference between what is real and what is not. Suzanne needs to take a break from her social life and learn how to grow up

  4. I agree with Anthony, girls obsessed with horses are too weird for me.

  5. I kinda think the joke was tasteless. If you're trying to get a girl, then why insult the thing that she loves? Doesn't sound like a good card to play even if the girl wasn't overly sensitive. Just my two cents.

  6. Yes, the joke was kind of tasteless, but don't you think an adult should know that unicorns are just fantasy


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