One Step Forward, One Step Backward

Story Sent in by Arnold:

Laurie texted me a few hours before our first date: "Twisted foot COMPLETELY around. Need to go to hospital lol. Talk later."

I called her immediately and left a message, then texted her, "Let me know how you're doing."

I didn't hear from her for several days, and aside from that first time, I didn't call or text her again. After a week, I wrote her a short email: "I hope that your foot's okay."

She wrote back an email, about seven paragraphs long. Favorite passages included (verbatim):

"You have been contacting me non stop. This will not be stood for and I have already contacted a lawyer and an attorney. They firmly believe I have a case against you for contacting me non stop."

"I have twisted my foot around completely. I am not sure how many times you need to be told this. Perhpas you would like a note from my doctors! I will send you a note if you want and prove it."

"If you write me again I will twist my other foot around in protest. Around completely 100%. Knowing that you will afflict pain upon me should be enough to stop you from writing and reconsider what you have already done."

I wrote her to ask for the doctor's note, as she had offered it up. She didn't write me back until two years (yes, two years) later. She wrote, "I have just now been able to learn to walk again. I hope that you are satisfied!"

I suppose I am.


  1. So you basically realised that she was bullshitting you and decided to have some fun.

    Good for you!

  2. While she was in the hospital, did she get a better personality?

  3. Good thing you didn't contact her again...not only did she contact a lawyer, but believe it or not, she had also contacted an attorney!

  4. Oh crap I hope she didn't also contact a barrister and a solicitor and a Queens Counsel and a prosecutor and a ... um... law dude.

  5. ...and a legal council and an advocate and that's all I can think of.


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