Roll with Us into Oblivion

Story Sent in by Craig:

Melissa and I were on a second date together at a roller rink. Before we went out to it, she claimed that she wasn't any good at roller skating.

"I'm no good at roller skating," she had said, "But it'll be fun!"

It was her idea to go, after all, and I thought that two people who were both "no good" at roller skating would make for a comical second date.

Whoops. Turns out, as soon as we made it to the rink (I rented skates, she brought her own), she tore away from me and twirled, jumped, and spun her way into the center, performing trick after trick. After each successful leap, she'd applaud for herself. Soon enough, multiple people watched her and clapped their hands as she zoomed past everyone. It wasn't long before many (but not all) people stopped skating and watched her roller skate into their hearts.

She was very good at roller skating, admittedly, but she wasn't too good at remembering that she was on a date. I thought that after five minutes, she'd tire of showing off, but she didn't. She just kept going. I continued around the rink, with an eye on her and another on what was straight ahead of me. There was really no good time to approach her, as she kept up with the fast runs, the spins, and turns, and so on.

Finally, I approached as closely as I dared (she was doing a good bit of flailing) and I called out, "Hey there. Want to grab something to drink?"

"Never!" she said, and skated away. I skated closer again, with the intent of asking her if she wanted to skate together. As I approached, she booked it once more for the other side of the rink. I skated closer once more, and as soon as I was close, she skated away.

I left the rink to grab lunch from a nearby food court, from where I watched her continue to dance, skip, and self-applaud. Most of the folks there seemed to be uninterested in her at this point, but she kept pushing herself.

Outside of the rink, I made my way to the side closest to where she was performing and I called out to her, "Want to, I don't know, hang out?"

"We are!" she said triumphantly, then skated away from me again. Without moving from where I was, I yelled, "I'm going to head out!"

She spun and spun and spun! Truly, she was a blur. I left the rink and never heard from her again.


  1. JMG...was this a post from an 80's archive or something? Seriously? Rollerskating? Gag me with a spoon! No way!

  2. Melissa forgot to mention this to Craig, but she tests guys she is interested in by taking them to skating rinks. If they can show off more impressive moves than hers, she's hooked. Oh well, I'm sure she'll remember to bring that up to the next guy...

  3. You're gagging all right, Howie. But not on a spoon.

  4. And that's how you get rid of someone on a second date without any guilt.


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