I'm a Big Kid Now

Story Sent in by Irene:

Lee wore a bright orange button down shirt and royal purple pants to our first date. He looked a bit clownish, but he was very chivalrous and nice to me through dinner.

Afterward, we shifted into a flirty sort of teasing and walked around the block. I felt comfortable enough to point to his clothes and ask, "So, what's with this getup? Did you dress yourself?"

He laughed, then froze nearly solid. I thought I had crossed a line, but it wasn't me who was on his mind.

He pulled out his phone and looked as though something awful had happened. He looked at me, said, "Shit! I got to go! My cousin!" He ran off.

I called after him, "What's wrong?"

He said, "I'll tell you on the second date, okay?" He rounded a corner and left me there, bewildered.

Once I returned to my car, I texted him, "I hope everything's okay."

A little after 11pm, I was at home in my pajamas. He texted back, "Hate to do this: can you do me a huge favor?"

I called him up and asked, "What's wrong?"

He replied, "You'll think it's stupid. I need diapers. I have no idea where my aunt keeps them and he's going all over the floor, like in puddles."

My face involuntarily scrunched. "What are you talking about?"

He said, "It was my turn to watch my cousin tonight. He's nine and has leaky bowel problems. My ringer was on silent and when I checked my phone when we were out together, my aunt had rang my phone almost off the hook to remind me. You were the first person I could think of."

Lee lived in my town, but it sounded very much like a situation in which I did not want to take part. "Uh… I…"

"He went all over my pants. It's really bad, over here."

Remembering his strange sense of fashion, I couldn't help but say, "That probably improved the pants." It was said to lighten the mood, not to make him feel bad or even imply that I wouldn't do it. I was actually on the fence, as I felt bad for the guy.

He replied, "Fine, slore!" and hung up. On the plus side, he decided for me. I curled up with a good book under my nice, warm sheets, and didn't have to bring diapers for a single nine-year-old that night.


  1. Why would you ever, ever, EVER even consider doing that? Even if he was otherwise normal and hadn't made the 'slore' comment, there's about a 90% chance the diaper thing was a setup to a prank and about 10% that he's just lazy and/or cheap and would have had you running all sorts of dumb errands for him soon enough.

  2. Slore, eh? Sometimes portmanteaus are pretty fucking awesome. Not in this case.

  3. I took it to mean Sloar, as is a creature mentioned in the classic film Ghostbusters. Here is a link to more information: http://ghostbusters.wikia.com/wiki/Sloars_(Type_of_Creature).

    She wouldn't leave the outfit alone, even when it sounded like he really needed a friend. Sure, it was a first date and she didn't owe him anything but she's definitely a sloar.

  4. I don't see any problem with a little flirty teasing. Most relationships at some point will involve people criticizing each other. If somebody's so self-centered that they can't stand a little playful teasing - whether about their outfit, poetry, or spiritual beliefs - then they're probably awful people to be involved with, and it's better to find out sooner.

  5. If it were that serious I'm sure a girl he's gone on one date with wouldn't be the first person he'd call for something like that. I agree with Andrew - he was totally trying to set her up for a prank.

  6. Can't quite put my finger on it, but there's just something about this OP that I don't like...

  7. It's nobody's fault but your own if you dress like a clown, Steve.

  8. I'm with Steve and Amanda, OP is a bit of twit.

    Have to agree with Andrew and Jessie, that the date was about to prank in retaliation for said twitish behavior.

    I would seem that the OP was the bad date here and her date was immature to try to get "even".

    So it seems two childish people don't connect on the first date. It's a wash.

  9. I have a suspicion that the diapers were actually for him, not his young cousin. "He went all over my pants." Suuuure.


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