Stripe for Conquest

Story Sent in by Claire:

I wore a blue striped dress for my first date with Eric. When we met in person, right on the street, he gave me a terrified look. I asked him, "Are you okay?"

He looked me up and down and said, "Are you serious?"

No good can ever come of such a question, asked in such a tone. I thought that he was going to have a problem with my weight, even though I'm in shape. I asked him, "What's wrong?"

He replied, "Stripes? Are we in, like, first grade or something?"

"What's wrong with stripes?"

"Everything is wrong with stripes! I hate them!"

I laughed. I had to. I asked him, "You are kidding, right?"

He didn't laugh or even smile back. He shook his head. "No. I've just always associated stripes with little kids."

I said, "I bought this at an adult clothing store."

"Let me guess: Forever 21? The Limited Too?"

"Neither, actually. Is it really going to be a problem?"

He said, "Just so long as no one I know sees me."

I gasped at that and he went on, "Let me guess: striped underwear, too? Bat a thousand, why don't you?"

I said, "I can always change my outfit, but you're always going to be an asshole. And by the way," I said, pointing at his orange and black-striped sneakers, "Your sneakers have stripes on them."

I turned and left on the spot. He called after me, "Hey, that doesn't count! Hey! You get back here right now!"

My car never looked as safe and welcoming as it did moments later, when I jumped into it, locked the doors, and took off from that stupid, wasted night.


  1. Um...he was aware Forever 21 and The Limited Too are for COMPLETELY different age groups, right??

  2. Was this on the MTV show "Next", because that's the only other place I've heard of such absurdity?

  3. He's really silly for thinking stripes are just for kids. There's also prisoners and pirates!

  4. The best tasting gum ever made is Fruit Stripe gum. And it's not for kids!

    Okay, it's kinda for kids. And the flavor only lasts about 12 seconds. But it's soooo good for those 12 seconds!!!

  5. When it comes to dating it seems like women usually go crazy in an entitled way "Do what I say! I deserve this! How do you expect to court me with such pitiful offerings!" whereas men usually go crazy in a creepy way "I know where you live so I figured I'd stop by... at midnight... in a costume." Thus, the fact that this guy went crazy in an spoiled kind of way is a great step forward for equal rights! At least for crazy people.

  6. Damn OP, why did you leave? I wanted to know what his explanation for the stripes on his shoes would be.


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