This Little Light of Mine

Story Sent in by Chris:

I work at a company where we print personalized messages onto pens, keychains, tumblers, or just about anything else. Businesses and some people use them as little promotional giveaways.

I was telling Jenny more about this as we took a walk after dinner on our first date. She had asked about the sorts of things that we printed on, and then asked if I had any examples on me.

I pulled out a little key ring light and gave it a squeeze. It lit up a small patch of ground and I waved it around. "Little things like this—" I began.

Jenny snatched the light from my hand and said, "Enough with the light," and stuffed it down the front of her pants.

"Why did you do that?" I asked her, reasonably sure that I no longer wanted it back.

She replied, "You've been flashing it around all night. That was the only way to stop you, and I couldn't put it someplace where you'd be tempted to grab it back, like my pocket. So now it's mine, and I'll return it when I see fit."

I said, "I only took it out once, and that's because you wanted to see the sorts of things we personalize. You can keep it if you want to. I can grab a hundred more tomorrow."

She replied, "And I'll stuff them all in my pants if I have to."

I said, "If you wanted it, you could've just asked me for it. I would've given it to you."

She said, "I don't want it. I already have one like it. I just wanted you to stop flashing it around for the hundredth time tonight."

"I only showed you once," I said, "Just now."

"I'm sorry. I'm not giving it back."

"It's okay. I'll have a box of five hundred of them by tomorrow morning."

She became more upset. "You just kept flashing it around. You wouldn't stop!"

"It's okay," I said, backing away, "It's yours."

She started to cry. "I'm not giving it back! Not now, not ever!"

"Keep it!" I said, "And maybe we should call it a night."

"You didn't need to keep taking it out, over and over, and showing me again and again. I don't even want it," she yelled, then pulled it out and threw it on the ground. She then stomped on it several times. "I don't like it, and I don't like you!" she finished, and then ran off.

I watched her go, then scooped up the poor light from where she had assaulted it. It still worked. I went home.


  1. Cue rebuttal post in which Chris tried to sell her crates of them all evening.

  2. Yeah, I wonder if this guy has a nervous habit that he's not consciously aware of where he takes the thing out and fiddles with it. Oh, and he fiddles with his flashlight too.

  3. ^Plausible. Would certainly add a little more sense to this date.

  4. Geez, Chris should try to be more sensitive. Doesn't he know that her grandmother was killed by a tiny flashlight???

  5. It would have made sense except for the temper tantrum in the end. I'm also not sure why OP had to keep telling her he could get more.

  6. Ok, there is DEFINITELY more to this story than what we're getting. I have a feeling the "tantrum" wasn't really that bad and the OP probably did something douchy earlier in the date. What with reminding her a ton of times that he could get more flashlights, pulling the light out multiple times doesn't seem like a far stretch.

  7. And *I* have a feeling this date never happened. It's a fake story posted by the marketing guy at the flashlight manufacturer. It still worked after a stomping? Sign me up!

  8. I replaced "light" with "penis" while reading this for some reason.

  9. Yeah this story seems lacking. Maybe she was just being cute to get him to reach his hands down her pants. Idiot didn't take the bait.

  10. IMHO, he was playing with his flashy thing all night.

  11. Def seems like a weird combo of "I want you to reach down my pants!" and "DADDY WHY DO YOU KEEP SHOWING ME YOUR WEE WEE?!?!?!"


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