I Liked it Better When He Just Had Ants in His Pants

Email Sent in by Chrissy:

(Chrissy says: "This was in response to a basic, 'Hi, how are you?' message that I sent.")

Hi Chrissy,

I am grateful for your message. The first of no doubt many that I will receive from you as we get to know each other and lay down among the sleeping.

Let me break it down for you. We are all large bugs. "We are mammals!" you protest but you are wrong. We eat the meat that eats the plants that lives in the ground with the bugs. Proof 1. Proof 2 is that we are but complex bugs. Proof 3 is we are bugs.

Our spindly hands not proof enough? We are subject to gravity like bugs and eat what we can from trashes like bugs. We annoy like bugs. You crush us and we are squashed like bugs. ALL people are bugs and you cannot regret what you are!

I am seeking a fellow bug with whom to nest and initiate a brood. Man sperm is like bug itself, tails thrashing against the walls of the primal juice cave.

I wish to learn more about you.



  1. I'm totallly going to use "primal juice cave" in that best-selling romance novel I'm going to write.

  2. He's just one huffed aerosol can away from his PhD in Lunatic Streetcorner Raving.

  3. Agnes - I'm going to start a band called Primal Juice Cave. Can we do the soundtrack for the inevitable hit movie based upon your novel?

  4. I disagreed with him until I saw his compelling evidence.

  5. More proof, bugs lay eggs, we also lay eggs, except our eggs are complex live birth.. eggs. Further proof, we are bugs.

    I have to agree with Shizzy, definately a troll.

  6. He's right! I can lift 100 times my own weight, I just never knew why!

  7. No troll, just a maniac. I read the email out loud to Scientist Fiance, and the last part really sounded like strange poetry. I was reading it in my "theatrical" voice. Another reason to film us doing readings of the stories!


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