What Too Much Coffee Will Do to You

Email Sent in by Neil:


I had a glorious time with you. Perhaps it is time for a new phase in both of our lives! A phase of sunshine and glory, now and forever!

You've been hurt, I've been hurt. This is terrible but perhaps we can forget about the past. We can make a new past together and work enough on each other's pasts to make new pasts and pretend that the old pasts never happened! Talk strange things to each other all night long!

Speaking of which, I was a little upset that you cut off our conversation so soon last night. I could have kept talking for hours and hours. You said you were tired, but you were obviously awake enough to brush your teeth, turn off a light and go to bed. From now on it would be so beautiful if you fell asleep with me over the phone. Just don't do it too often or it WILL upset me.

Oh Neil I am so excited! I am giddy to be your girlfriend! Where shall we meet for our second date? It will be our first date together as boyfriend+girlfriend so choose it well and it will become part of our new shared past. No more separate hurtful pasts! No more dying! Ah, Neil!!! AHHHHHHHHH NEAIL!!!! OOHHOOHHOOHHHHH!!!!



  1. I would love to hear how Neil-Oh-Neil responded!


    (yeah it would be interesting. How to let that one down gently? 'I'm sorry but I actually have narcolepsy, so destiny has not stitched us together...')

  3. How can she say no more dying? I'm dying to hear how Neil responded.


    Did she have an orgasm at the end? It sure looks like it. Maybe she was using one of those "voice-to-text e-mail programs..?

  5. I'm sure this is from a chapter in How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.

  6. Sounds like someone's brain to mouth (or type) filter broke.

  7. I *love* it when people fall asleep while talking to me. On the phone.

  8. Was she sober? And how many people did she kill for falling asleep on the phone with her?


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