Wrong Turn at Mars

Story Submitted by Elaine:

Vincent and I met online, and we had enough in common for a date to be in order. He was an attractive bartender and substitute teacher who was also attending college part time, studying marketing.

We met at a park and took a short walk, then we arranged to drive to a restaurant in town in our separate cars, as it was a short drive away. I followed him most of the way there and he drove towards town, then took a turn that led us further away.

I called him and asked, "Where are you going?"

"To the restaurant. Duh," he replied.

"But it's back in the other direction."

A pause, then, "Are you sure?"


Another pause, then, "No it's not!" and then he hung up.

I followed him for about another five minutes before I called him again. "We're not in town anymore. It's behind us."

"This is a shortcut."

"No, it's not! We're going to have to backtrack, now."

He yelled into the phone, "I'm a fucking bartender, okay! I tend bars! I think I know my way around town."

I stopped following him at that point and turned back toward town. "When you're done going the wrong way," I said, "You can meet me there."

I'm not sure if he heard me, because he was continuing his rant: "I'm a schoolteacher in America, and I know my way around the planet. Believe you me. The planet!"

I hung up and turned back to town. I made it to the restaurant easily and waited there about twenty minutes before leaving.

On my way home, he called to ask, "Where are you?"

I said, "Home. I waited for you for twenty minutes at the restaurant."

Silence on his end, then, "Where are you?"


"Oh. Where's the restaurant?"

"Back in town."

"Oh. I think I made a wrong turn somewhere."

"I'll say."

"Do you still want to do dinner?"

"No thanks."

"Where are you?"

"Home. Goodnight." I hung up, and that was the end of my date.


  1. He was leading you out of town? I smell another foiled creepy farm ritual.

  2. I love how "I'm home" just doesn't register with him. Like it's so improbable it just CAN'T be true.


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