Tastes Like Person

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Story Submitted by Elizabeth:

I met Craig through a mutual friend. I was newly divorced and ready to get my mojo back. Craig was an airline pilot who was also newly divorced. He seemed nice enough, and we decided to go to a local restaurant for our first date.

He picked me up in his red sports car with the top down. The first thing I noticed was that his toupee was crooked.  Once we sat down at the restaurant, we were seated in a booth, and he chose to sit next to me, rather than across.

We ordered our dinners and just after the waitress left the table, he leaned over and licked my face.

My first instinct was to punch him, but I held back and asked, "What the hell was that about?"

He replied, "Butterfly kisses for you, my dear."

"Don't lick me again."

We ate, and when the bill came, he leaned in again, his mouth open for a another lick.

I shoved him away and said, "Back off!"

He moved to the other side of the table and pulled out his phone.  "I'm just going to call me ex-wife," he said, "At least I'll be with somebody tonight."

The phone call was short.  He asked her if he could come over, and she apparently told him that he'd better not.  He hung up his phone and asked me, "Is it cool if I go home with you?"


We went our separate ways, and on my way home, he called me to ask if I had changed my mind.  I told him that I hadn't.  He told me to let him know once I did.  I sure will.


  1. What? That's not even a butterfly kiss...that's just gross...

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. @ Jonathan...My thoughts exactly

  4. A butterfly kiss is when you blink your lashes against someone's face. This was just acting like an animal. I don't care what this creep labels it, he literally acted like a beast.

  5. Saying that this dude wasn't trying at all doesn't quite cut it. Is there a way to say "negative-not trying" or "double-not trying"?

  6. Churro, I'd say he was pretty trying.

  7. Just... like... what??

    On what planet is that normal?

  8. Was this Quagmire from "Family Guy"? A womanizing pilot who drives a flashy car yet still fails with women...wow.

  9. I thought the toupee was going to have a more developed storyline.

  10. ^me too. :( Care to make up a story about the toupee? Maybe she got along better with it than with OP?

  11. I don't know, Nikki, I think the date would have been even worse if she had toupee for her meal.


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