I Want to Have Control

Story Sent in by George:

I wrote to Patty online, and my first inclination that something was amiss with her mental state was the following line in her response: "Most guys end up wishing that they hadn't dated me in the first place."

Everything else about the note was fine, but of course, that piqued my interest the most, and I asked her why.  She replied, "Because I'm independent and I don't last long with controlling guys.  Most guys I've dated have been controlling."

I'm not a controlling guy.  Therefore, I assumed that I had nothing about which to be worried.  I asked her out to dinner, at a good place where I had been many times and knew the owners.

At dinner, I saw pretty quickly why most guys who dated her had second thoughts.  And it had nothing to do with the guy being controlling.

One of the first thing I said to her upon sitting down was, "Let me know if you want any recommendations.  I have plenty of good ideas.

She replied, "I think I'll make up my own mind, but thanks!"

I said, "I was just trying to be nice."

"Okay," she said, in a tone that seemed like it was anything but okay.  I let it go.

Then the waiter came by and asked for our drink orders.  She turned to me and asked, "Do you want to order my drink for me, too?  Or can I make up my own mind?"

I replied, "What are you talking about?"

She said, "You were so quick to try and tell me what to order for food before, I thought you'd have similar thoughts on what you want me to drink."  She glanced at the waiter, as if to say, Look what I have to deal with!

I said, "I don't think I tried to tell you what to order, at all.  You make up your own mind."

She smiled, nodded, and ordered a soda.  I stayed with water.  After the waiter left, she said, "I can make up my own mind, see?"

"I never said you couldn't."

"You implied it."

The rest of dinner went a lot like that.  The best part was when we were talking about our respective jobs.  She said, "I got fired from my old job because they say I stole office supplies, but it was really because my boss had a huge crush on me and he knew that if he acted on it, I'd get him into the biggest trouble.  Men fall for me left and right."

I asked, "But did you actually steal office supplies?"

She nodded and said, "Tons.  But that's not why they really fired me, remember?"

"Of course not."

The waiter came to take our plates away, and I was sure to tell him, "Separate checks."

She stopped what she was doing and stared at me.  I expected her to ask me what I was thinking, asking her to pay for her food, instead of having me pay for it all.  But she didn't say anything about it.  In fact, she shut up for the rest of the date, which wasn't long at all.  We left the restaurant together, she barely glanced at me, said, "Goodnight," and walked out of my life forever.


  1. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul... I love that song, and it fits her PERFECTLY. You do an amazing job on titles for these stories, Jared. Really. Hats off.

  2. Thank you for keeping my link on your blog, even after all this time. I still get hits from your sites almost daily.

  3. sprinkles -

    Thanks for being one of the first people to give me a shout out. I'm very grateful!

  4. Connie -

    Thanks. They're fun to come up with. You rock.

  5. "But did you actually steal office supplies?"

    She nodded and said, "Tons. But that's not why they really fired me, remember?"


    Wow, you can almost cut the delusion with a knife.

  6. ^ I picture her giving this creepy, delusional smile while she says that.

  7. I see dead serious eyes. Honestly I think she completely believed that she was fired because her boss was attracted to her.

  8. She is the reason why there will never be a female president!

    Glad you made her pay.. She sounds like a parnoid feminist. And since she wants to be treated equal and wants to be independant then she can pay for her OWN meals..

    Bet she's still single, bet she added you on her 'controlling guy list'.. SMH!!


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