Don't Let it Hit You on the Way Out

Story Submitted by Carlie:

In college, one early winter, I started to date Joseph, who lived on my dorm floor.  AFter a little while, things went well enough for us to start spending nights in each other's suites.

One morning, he was over in my room, and I left him there, as I had an early morning class.  When I returned early that afternoon, I was in for a surprise.

I tried to open the door to my room, but it wouldn't budge.  It wasn't locked.  The knob turned all the way, but it felt as though something too heavy for me to push was behind the door.  In order for that to have been the case, someone still had to be inside… right?

I knocked on the door, thinking that perhaps Joseph had stayed in all day.  No response.  I called two of my suite-mates over, and the three of us weren't able to push the door open.  I called Joseph to ask him if he had an explanation, as he was the last one in my room.

He laughed at me over the phone and said, "Yeah, I got you good!  I pushed your bed and desk and everything I could up against your door, then climbed out your window!"

My room was four stories up.  Also, it was early in the winter, as I mentioned, and it was cold out.  I asked him, "You climbed out and left the window open?"

He replied, "Yeah!  I got you good!"

I asked, "Why don't you come over here to help me get back into my room?"

"Yeah, I got you good," he said, then hung up.

I went down the hall and banged on his door.  His roommates answered and told me that Joseph wasn't in.  I asked for their help, and all of us together were able to push the door open enough for me to squeeze in and survey the scene.

It was pretty messy.  All of my furniture was pushed up against the door, in addition to my clothes, which he had taken out of where they hung in the closet and stacked on the bed.  The window, as I feared, was wide open, and the room was ice cold.  I shut the window, and thankfully, my suite-mates helped me put my things back in order.

I then asked Joseph's suite-mates if they would let me crazy glue Joseph's door shut.  They were too happy to oblige, and before he returned from wherever he was, I doused a generous amount of glue on his room doorknob's latch and strike plate.  We all agreed that no one would claim responsibility, and since Joseph's suite-mates told me that they usually left the main suite door open when the suite was occupied (even if they were each in their own bedrooms), that essentially absolved them of responsibility, as it could've been anyone who walked in.  Once the job was done, I returned to my room.

Joseph came home, and I heard him banging on his own door from all the way down the hall.  There was some yelling, and then he ran over to my suite.  Our main door was locked.  "Open up, you bitch!" he yelled.

I went to the door.  "What is it?" I asked.

"What did you do to my door?"

"Nothing.  I've been in here the whole time, fixing the damage you caused."

He kicked at my door, then stomped off, presumably back to his room.  I'm not sure how things worked out between himself and his suite-mates, but he broke things off with me the next day (by email - I was planning to do it myself, but in person), and he never bothered me again.


  1. i don't know what it is exactly but i just love these stories where people dish it out but can't take it

  2. Oh yeah, make those maintenance guys earn their income!

    I agree with Matt, except I think that racheting the level up to "permanent damage" was out of bounds.

  3. Agnes, I STILL regret not duct taping Eugenicist Ex's clothes to his wall. Although stealing his bathrobe when he was in the shower was priceless. *sigh* Ah, college.

  4. Yes, Agnes, because god knows when you superglue things together they never EVER come apart. Unless, of course, you use a solvent like, I don't know, acetone. Which is super hard to find, unless you have nail polish remover.

    Though I'm sure it felt really good to stick up for the "little people", this wasn't really "permanent damage" for anyone with any knowledge of chemistry. [insert joke about the OP and Joseph]

  5. I love how he couldn't take a dose of his own medicine.

    And Lulu is totally right, "this wasn't really "permanent damage" for anyone with any knowledge of chemistry."

  6. Thanks Lulu, I'll file that away under "survival skills I hope to never need!"

  7. ...gotta tell ya..I never want to hear 'suite-mates' ever again. First time hearing it and it really annoyed the fuck outta me! Not sure why.


  9. OP should have said "I got you good", not just dodged responsibility. Cowardly.


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