Don't Brother Me

Story Submitted by Ron:

Amy and I met online.  She mentioned that she was the only girl among five male siblings.  I asked her how that had affected her, and she replied, "Oh, it screwed me up.  No doubt about that."

I should have taken that at face value and drawn the line at remaining friends with her.  Instead, I took it lightly, assumed she was joking around, and set up a date.

Another hint I should have taken was when we spoke on the phone the first couple of times, she remarked, "I can't get over how much you sound like my brother.  I mean, your voice and inflection… it's just so similar!"  Well, with five brothers, maybe there was a chance that I'd be similar to one of them?

Fast-forward to dinner, and she was on overload.  "Oh my God," she'd say, "You twirl spaghetti around your fork just like my brother!"  "Wow!  You're wiping your mouth with your napkin the same way my brother does!"  "Hey!  That dirty look you're giving me is just like the kind my brother gives me!"

I had to ask her, "Don't you find it kind of weird that I remind you so much of your brothers?"

She replied, "Every guy does.  Makes it hard to find a romantic partner, you know?"

"What's something I could do that won't remind you of your brothers?"

She thought for a moment, then said, "Grow tits and a vagina."  I raised an eyebrow, and we were quiet for a while after that.  She eventually broke the silence with, "The silent treatment?  Now that reminds me a lot of my brothers."

I said, "I'm into geology, drawing, and gardening.  I doubt that any of your brothers has all of that in common with me."

She replied, "My brother Tim likes geology, is a professional artist, and has a huge garden at his house in California."

"I like movies from the fifties, and I can recite entire musicals by heart."

"My brother Jake's an actor and likely knows at least as many shows as you do, and my brother Steve is a huge film buff.  He owns almost every movie ever made.  Our nickname for him is Netflix."

"I like woodworking, and handcrafted my mother's kitchen cabinet set and two lamps."

She looked up in thought.  Finally, she conceded, "I don't think that any of my brothers do carpentry."  I smiled.  She continued, "But I don't know why they would.  Boring craft for boring people."

I frowned at her, she took a big sip of her water and asked, "You grow out those tits yet?  I really think that would set you apart."

The bill came, and I was all too eager to end the date.  Outside the restaurant, we hugged goodbye and she said, "So you're probably not going to hear from me, since you're so similar to my brothers that going out with you would kind of be like going out with them, and that's just weird."

I said, "I think that you'd find that I'm not too similar to them if you really took the time to get to know me."

She gave me a fake frown and replied, "That's exactly what my brothers would say.  You're just too similar to them.  Sorry.  I'll give you a kiss goodnight, though.  For your trouble."

I stepped away.  "I remind you of your brothers too much for you to even consider going on a second date with me, but you'd still kiss me?  A guy who reminds you this much of your brothers?"

She covered her mouth with her hand.  "Oh my God.  You're right.  Ewww!  Oh God.  I have to go."  She hurried away, back to her guy-less, brother-filled life.  I returned home, back to my girl-less, but also annoying-girl-less life.


  1. You should have kissed her then asked which brother you reminded her of then.

  2. I agree with theMediator, except I would have asked her "Now who's your brother?" in your best attempt at a sexy voice.

  3. I agree with the Mediator and Coriolanus. This was a golden opportunity and you blew it.

  4. I agree with the Mediator and Coriolanus and thepastryfascist. That is all.

  5. I agree with the Mediator and Coriolanus, thepastryfascist and TheLastDJ1976

  6. I agree with everyone.

  7. I would have kissed her, then said "Ugh. You kiss like my mom!" Then walked away.

  8. I'm also with TacoDave.


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