Donasdogama Micma

Story Submitted by Tricia:

Ethan brought me flowers at a restaurant on our first date.  He was a good-looking guy with a great smile, and I enjoyed getting to know him.  During our early dinner, he asked me, "Do you like ping-pong?"


"Because I live two blocks from here and have a ping-pong table at my house.  Only if you're comfortable coming along, but I bet I can school you."

I was always up for a challenge, and I did feel comfortable enough to follow him to his place, so after dinner, we walked to his house.  When we entered, he asked me if I wanted anything to drink, and seemed to be very concerned for my comfort.

He led me down a rickety wooden staircase to his basement, where I expected to see a game room.  What I saw was a sparse space with cracked plaster columns, a rotting wooden floor, huge music speakers lining the room, no windows, and in the center of it all, a torn, dark pink, satin-upholstered armchair with all manner of jagged metal shards sticking out from behind it, like sun rays.

"I am lord and master, here," he said, then sat on the throne and hit a switch on a controller that was tied down to the armrest.

The two bulbs that had previously lit the basement went out.  Blinding strobe lights flashed into my eyes from the ceiling, and after a few seconds, a track of music blasted that sounded like a mix between someone going crazy on a bass and people screaming.

He shouted over the din, "I sometimes come down here to think about what awaits us all.  I'm conditioning myself to it so that it won't be so bad when I die."

I screamed at him, "Turn it off!"  He kept everything on for a few more seconds before shutting it all down, the music and lights simultaneously.

He said, "I can stand it for hours.  Once I did it for a whole weekend.  It's really soothing after a while.  You have to go to a special place."

I said, "Okay.  Can we get out of here, now?"

He said, "You can leave hell, but hell will never leave you."

I said, "I'll just meet you upstairs."  I climbed up the cellar steps and waited for him in his kitchen.  A few moments later, he blasted his "music" again from downstairs, and I waited for another two minutes before leaving his house entirely.  I'm unsure how he had hoped I would react, but I think we were both better off not being together.


  1. "L'enfer, c'est les autres." - Sartre

  2. "Hell is other robots." - Futurama

  3. "I am your friend: Bonder!" - Futurama

  4. "Your hand, while firm and masculine, is soft as a velvet child." - Futurama

  5. "We have failed to uphold Brannigan's law, however I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end....is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars?........ Kiff, I'm asking you a question!" - Futurama

  6. I like Futurama and all, but this story was amazing.

  7. "What makes a man turn neutral ... Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?" - Futurama

  8. I like the part where there's obviously no ping-pong table in this stranger's basement, yet she keeps following him down.

    In the meantime, I'll make my own theme park! With blackjack! And hookers!

  9. This was better than expected. After the first paragraph I expected something about him being overcompetitive at ping-pong or being a sore loser. But instead, it really delivered. That guy is a loon, and deserves his fate of a life alone in a basement torturing himself, literally in his own personal hell.

  10. "You win again, gravity!" - Futurama

  11. "Bender: Fry! Stop interfering with history! I don't wanna have to memorise a lot of new kings when I get back!

    Fry: I had no choice. I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear."

  12. "...Let's let Lady Luck decide what kind of torture's justified..."

  13. Am I the only one who thought of the Iron Throne from GoT when she described the chair?

  14. Never trust a man who brings flowers to a first date. Got it.

  15. "I bet I can school you"? Srsly?


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