Buckle Up

Story Submitted by Grace:

On my date with Tim, he picked me up from where I worked. On our way to dinner, I noticed that he wasn't wearing a seat belt.

I asked him about it and he said, "I don't wear seat belts. My best friend's brother died in a car wreck after the seat belt he was in jammed while the car was on fire."

I asked, "Don't you think you're far more likely to die in a crash because you're not wearing one?"

He replied, "Ask my best friend's brother. Oh wait! You can't! He's dead! Thanks for bringing it up."

I was silent after that, and we made it to dinner without incident. Dinner was a bit awkward, as he didn't say much, and when he did, it was all about how I shouldn't wear a seat belt.

He said, "And what you said before was false. You're actually far more likely to die if you are wearing one. I read it in some magazine. They did this huge study. Seat Belts Monthly magazine, or something."

"Seat Belts Monthly?"

"Yeah. I'm positive."

I was unaware that there existed such a magazine. We talked about a few other topics, he paid the check, I thanked him, and we climbed back into his car.

I put on my seat belt and he asked, "What are you doing?"

"Putting on my seat belt. You don't have to."

He replied, "First of all, I know for a fact that I don't have to: my car, my rules. That being the case, I don't want you to wear yours. Try riding without it."

I told him, "I'm putting my seat belt on. You do what you want."

He stepped out of the car and said to me, "Step out with me, for a minute."

I did. He walked around his car, opened the trunk, pulled out a short hunting knife, came over to my side, and sliced through the passenger-side seat belt, letting it flop down, onto the seat. "That fixes that, then," he said.

He tossed the knife back into the trunk, closed it, then walked back to his side of the car. He said to me, "Ready to go, now?"

I said, "I'm going to call a friend to pick me up."

"Whatever," he said, then jumped into the car and drove away. I then called a friend, who came by to pick me up. We had a good laugh over Tim.


  1. I read once that you should never remove lint from a dryer. I think it was in the last issue of Lint Quarterly.

    Did you know that the ancient Egyptians revered belly button lint, placing it on altars to the god Lintyus?

  2. Oh my goodness, I removed lint from the dryer just today! AM I GOING TO DIE NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

  3. This was a good story and would have been a great one without the uncalled-for jab at Seat Belts Monthly. I have a subscription and it's a fine publication, far better than that other seat belt rag, Active Restraint Illustrated, which isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

  4. I would've taken down his license number and called the cops on him. Just for shits and giggles.

  5. Tim died on his way home after dropping off Grace — you guessed it, he was involved in a head-on collision and went through his windshield. Grace could've been the last voice of reason that could have saved the man's life. Hope you're happy, OP. ;-)

  6. Who carries a hunting knife in their trunk?

    1. I probably would have run once I saw the hunting knife.

  7. This is labeled as "written by a guy".

  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

  9. My parents get mad when they come visit and I keep my toddler in her car seat. "She's probably fussing because she's so restricted. It's mean."

    Riiiiight. I read in Baby Death Weekly's Annual Report that babies are much safer in car seats, thanks.

  10. If you're in Australia or have similar rules, at least you can take comfort in the fact that he'll fail his rego check and actually have to pay to get a new seatbelt put in his car.

    1. I think he'd fail any safety inspection anywhere in the world. :)

  11. Well, Tim suffered from retardation at a young age because his mom had him vaccinated. If only she had read Smallpox Quarterly, she would have realized that vaccines cause more damage than they prevent!

  12. OP, you should tell Tim about this.

    Read this article from written by a man named Derek Kieper first.


    After you have read that, read this:


  13. ^ I love how his family and friends all insist he was "bright" and "intelligent". Obviously not since he was a whiny little bitch about wearing seat belt.

  14. Well, my friend's younger sister when she was about 9, they had an accident and crashed into a big truck, the girl flew to the windshield and the seatbelt made a scar on her neck, but yet the mother because she took it off just to get something from the back seat, she also crashed into the glass and her face was a mess, got surgery tho and now is Ok, so it is no logic ofcourse..they are just coincidences.


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