Squeeze Something of His "For Luck"

Story Submitted by Ashlee:

James and I were walking, side by side, down a park path on our first date when I caught him checking out my ass. It wasn't a furtive, quick thing — it was a full on stare.

I kept walking and gave him a look. He didn't stop staring, and and so I cleared my throat. He focused on me and said, "Sorry, but you have a great ass."

I sighed and said, "Thanks."

He went on, "I'm serious. I'm an ass man, and have seen plenty of asses."

I sped up a bit.'"That's great."

"Yeah, but your ass is mighty fine."


"I could stare at it all day. I mean, it's that nice."

"Hey," I said, turning my rear end away from him, "What do you want to do for lunch?"

He replied, "Your ass," then shook his head as if distracted and said, "I'm sorry, what was the question?"

One-date wonder, I thought. I suggested an Indian place nearby on account of how short a walk it was. He liked the idea, and as we strolled over, I noticed him lagging a step or two behind. I slowed down so that he could catch up. He slowed down, himself, making all kinds of alluring lip-smacking noises.

I hurried us through lunch, during which I learned all about how he, a middle manager, had single-handedly saved the Fortune 500 company for which he worked from going bankrupt. Color me amazed. Yeah.

He wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon together, but I made up an excuse about having prior plans with friends.

He spread his arms for a hug and said, "If you think I'm going to let you go without giving that ass a little squeeze for luck, then you're out of your mind."

I laughed and said, "Then I must be out of my mind. Take care," and then I turned and walked away from him.

He darted in for a squeeze, but I was too quick for him. I dodged away, then spun to face him and yelled, "Keep away from my ass, you piece of shit!"

Harsh, perhaps, but it got him to back off. I walked backwards a few steps, then turned back around and hurried to return to my car.


  1. OP isn't that bright in carrying on the date.
    She got on my bad side on account of how she spells her name!

  2. Too many of these stories go far beyond the point the date should have ended. The moment you realized he was a one-date wonder you should have ended the date. why waste your time?

  3. Sometimes it's hard to end a date before dinner or the activity you planned if you're a nice person.

  4. "making all kinds of alluring lip-smacking noises." No no no no no no no no no no!

  5. ^ Hi James! Nice of you to stop by!


  6. Naw, I'm with Ben. Pics or it didn't happen. I'll post pics of my delicious ghetto booty if she does.

  7. Now, we's talkin!
    Post em in the forum as your icon!

  8. Well somebody was desperate for free butterchicken


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