Sharp as Sharp Can Be

Story Submitted by WIlliam:

Liz and I had been friends for a while (we met at a gardening class at a local greenhouse) when I wondered if there could be any romantic possibilities between the two of us.  I asked her out on a date to a local tea shop.

While there, we had a good time, and then she said, "Give me your hand."

I did, and she traced a series of letters on its back.  I was able to decipher, "Hi Will."

"That's right," she said, "Now you try."

I wrote, "You rock" on her hand.

She smiled at that, then took my hand and had written out a few letters when she suddenly froze and stared into space.

"Liz?  You okay?" I asked.

She said, "Shit.  I had an engagement party to go to tonight that I totally blanked on."

She took her hand away, grabbed her purse, and said, "Want to come?  It's just across town."

It was jarring, but I wanted to spend more time with her, so I stood up and said, "Sure, let's go."

I drove my car, following hers, to a house in the suburbs.  We arrived there and before we even made it to the door, she asked me, "Hey, I'm sorry to do this, but I totally forgot: would you mind running to grab something for her?  I completely blanked on a gift."  She handed me $20.  "Something appropriate for an engagement.  Whatever you want."

I said, "I have no idea who this is or what to get her.  Why don't you call them, tell them you'll be late, and we can run out and grab something together?"

"Can't.  Bye!" she zoomed up the front walk to the door, leaving me there with $20 and no idea of what to grab.

Luckily, the house wasn't far from a mall, and I went and bought a glass picture frame for just under $20.  When I returned to the party, I rang the doorbell and a woman I didn't recognize answered.

I said, "I'm Will.  I'm here with Liz.  I have something for her."

The woman left and found Liz.  When Liz arrived at the door, she was upset about something.

"You were supposed to call me first!  The party is women only!  You're not allowed!"

I held up the frame in its bag.  "I got you that present you wanted.  The least I should get is a thank you after you cutting our date short and asking me to go out of my way for this."

She said, "Fine.  Thank you."  I gave her the frame and her change, and she closed the door between us without so much as a hug or a "see you later."

I thought that I had done something nice for a girl I liked, but seeing her reaction made me not want to see her again after that.  Not an hour after I had driven away, I received an impassioned phone call from Liz:

"The frame you bought?  Yeah, it has sharp edges!  She wants me to return it because she's going to have kids.  Are you, like, retarded or something?"

I thought for a moment, then said, "Yes, but cutting you out of my life will be a great first step in remedying that," and I hung up on her.


  1. Sometimes I still find myself shocked that people can act like this.

    I said, "I have no idea who this is or what to get her. Why don't you call them, tell them you'll be late, and we can run out and grab something together?"

    "Can't. Bye!" she zoomed up the front walk to the door, leaving me there with $20 and no idea of what to grab.

    At that point I think I would have been tempted to take the $20 and be on my way.

  2. "Do this for me, because I don't want to do it myself. No, you don't need instructions, just do it. I don't really care what you end up with."

    "Uh..ok." *does it to the best of abilities*

    "WTF, you did it wrong! Wrong wrong wrong! You ruined everything! You're impossible! Do it again, this time correctly."

    People like this deserve multiple lashings.

  3. I can't get over the fact that she invited him to the engagement party, then got mad at him for being there because it was "girls only." Uhhh, why didja invite him then, dumbass?

  4. Aside from the date's bad behavior, what gets me is that the bride-to-be actually asked her friend to return a gift given to her.

  5. Baku: I imagine the conversation probably involved a request for the gift receipt, which Liz didn't have but didn't want her friend to know she'd spent less than $20 on her gift by giving her the actual receipt, so she offered to take it back herself. Just a hunch.

  6. I'm with April. If someone pulled that shit on me then gave me a 20 to go buy a present, I would have taken it as a good excuse to GTHO with free money!


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