Ooh. Dealbreaker. I Love Checkers.

Email Submitted by Ella:

You seem like an ideal woman(R).  What I mean by an ideal woman(R) is different from how I think other people define it so I made my own list.  An ideal woman(R)...

...will be nice and kind and sweet.
...will take care of me when I'm sick (rare).
...will always let me go out with my friends.
...won't be needy, bitchy or whiny.
...will play board games with me (NOT CHECKERS).
...won't steal from me.
...won't ever scream or raise her voice.
...will scratch my ass when my hands are full and my ass needs to be scratched. (serious on this- I carry A LOT)
...won't want too many kids.
...will let me fart (SO MANY fights about this- it's natural, it's human, GET OVER IT)
...won't be needy, bitchy or whiny.
...won't wear too much perfume (if I want to smell a rose garden I'll visit a rose garden thank you)
...won't drive a nicer car than me.
...won't have too many guy friends and will NEVER hang out with them alone (that's called CHEATING).
...will make friends with my friends and my family.
...will cook when I ask her.

I'm adding to the list all the time so you can def contribute your own ideas.  It depends a lot on my own experiences.

So tell me, are you an ideal woman(R) for me? yes/no?



  1. Oh I would have had a BALL with this one...

  2. He wants a woman to scratch his ass? o_0

    And farting may be human and natural, but it's still gross and disgusting at the wrong moments. And if he's had that many fights about it, he's gotta be doing it at inopportune times (or it must smell like sewage).

    And again with the materialism...what's wrong with a woman having a nicer car than a guy? What if the guy owns a trash heap of a vehicle?

    And the kicker, "...won't have too many guy friends and will NEVER hang out with them alone (that's called CHEATING)." No. It's not cheating. Most of my close friends are in fact guys, and I hang out with them alone on a semi-regular basis (even if I'm dating someone), with no romantic feelings, intentions, or shenanigans. Yes, it's possible.

    It really just sounds like he came up with the list to describe his ex(es?) after getting out of a bad relationship. Either way, I plan to stay far away from his itchy, farting, jealous ass.

  3. ^unless you actually know him, there's really no need to answer each outrageous requirement with why you aren't a good match for him.

  4. This dude is a douche(R).

  5. Better lower your expectations, Robbie.

  6. I like how "won't be needy, bitchy, or whiny" comes up twice.

  7. "So tell me, are you an ideal woman(R) for me? yes/no?"

    No, but she may be on planet Misogyny.

  8. @Agnes - well played. :)

  9. He needs to try www.realdoll.com

  10. I guess only Republican women can qualify as ideal women.

  11. Must save a lot of time and money when you get no responses.

  12. He said he defines his "ideal woman" differently than the rest of us, but I didn't see anything different. Not if his definition basically comes down to, "she does everything I want her to." How original.

  13. If you're going to overuse the registered trademark concept, at least type the symbol Correctly®!

  14. So, you can always go out with your friends, but you'll limit hers by half the population? *swoon*


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