Lip Disservice

Story Submitted by Eldin:

Robin and I had a good dinner on our first date, and when it was over, I walked her back to her car.  She invited me inside it to talk for a bit, which I considered to be a good sign.

We were in there for an hour, talking and joking around, when I reached for her hand.  I took it, and she didn't pull away.  Good so far.  I inched closer to her, she glanced at my lips, I leaned in...

...and she gave me her cheek.  Perhaps she wasn't the type to kiss on a first date.  I can understand and respect that.  She rested her head on my shoulder, and we sat in relative silence for a little bit before we parted ways for the evening.

For our second date, I invited her out to lunch and a visit to an arcade (we were both into gaming).  We had an exciting time, and at the end of it, we ended up in her car again.  I repeated the process, and she gave me her cheek again.  We were in our mid-twenties, and it seemed strange that she wouldn't be into anything more than a kiss on the cheek and holding hands after two successful dates.

I asked her, "Is everything okay?"

She said, "Yeah.  I'm sorry.  I'm just not into being physical.  I really like you, though."

Physicality wasn't the only thing that I wanted in a relationship, but it was, to me, one of the major differences between "friends" and "more-than-friends."  Maybe I'm superficial, but it has to be in a relationship, as far as I'm concerned.  Period.

I suggested, "Maybe we'd be better off being friends."

She gasped and tore away from where she had been leaning close to me.  "Oh my God!  No!  I want us to be together.  I really like you a lot.  I just don't want to do any physical stuff."

I said, "I'm sorry, Robin.  I'm just kind of into physical stuff."

"So you just want me for sex?" she asked, he voice lowering on the word "sex" as if it was an illegal thing to say.

"I want you for several things, and sex is definitely on the list.  If you don't like being physical, then we should probably just stay friends."

She frowned and turned away from me.  I let her think for a while, and she finally faced me and said, "Okay.  I think I'd be ready, with you.  We can try it.  This weekend."

I asked her repeatedly if it was what she really wanted, and told her that if it was too fast and she was uncomfortable, then we didn't have to do anything.  She said, "No, I think I'm ready," and so we made plans for a date that weekend in which I'd go over to her place, we'd watch a movie, and, presumably, mess around.

I had high hopes, but they were quickly dashed.  At her house, we put the movie on, sat back on her couch, and hadn't been kissing for more than 20 seconds before she grabbed my upper lip between her teeth and wouldn't let go.

"Unnngh... Robin?" I asked.

She bit down hard and tore her teeth away, drawing blood.  I yelled, my hand going to my lip.  She ran out of the room, bolted upstairs, and slammed a door shut.

I found my way to a bathroom, saw that the damage wasn't that bad, put on some antibacterial stuff, and walked upstairs to talk to her.  Thing was, I had never been in her house before, and I wasn't sure which of the closed upstairs doors was hers.  I knocked on them all in turn, then just called from the hallway, "Robin?  Can we talk?  I'm not upset."

I wasn't.  I was just worried about her.  Not a sound in response.  Ultimately, I gave up waiting, returned downstairs, wrote a hasty note, repeating that I hoped she was okay and that I wasn't angry, and I left her house.  Never heard from her again.


  1. God, this is like an episode of Heartbreak High. The obvious plot line is that she was sexually assaulted or something and has trouble with physical intimacy. Way to be a bonehead: "I'm just kind of into physical stuff." Great script.

  2. Fair enough if you're into physical stuff but it seems you really pushed her into it.

  3. ^ It's not like she said she wanted to take it slowly, or something. The way it sounds is as though she was saying - No sex ever. If that was what she meant, OP's response is quite understandable.

  4. ^Agreed.

    She could have accepted his offer to remain friends. She could have decided to do physical stuff with him at a slower rate if she really wanted to give this non-friend relationship a go. She could have STOPPED KISSING HIM WITHOUT TRYING TO RIP HIS LIP OFF. The OP gave her a few outs and seemed responsive, but things got out of control.

    Another story in which I'd LOVE to read a rebuttal post.

  5. Yeah, but what could the rebuttal contain other than "I got scared and panicked because the big mean man tried to force me to do things"?

  6. Yeah, I think he really went to the extreme...how about meeting up for a regular kiss instead of messing around? Just seems like a stupid plan..

  7. Back in my early 20s, I was kinda a geeky loser (OK - the geeky part is still true), and I wasted so much time on girls like Robin, who wanted emotional intimacy but were unable to give physical intimacy. Learning to ask for what I wanted - and to walk away if I wasn't getting it - was pivotal to me developing the self-respect I needed to actually date and have relationships in a mature way. Did Robin have a problem? Absolutely. Should Eldin have been more patient and played therapist on the slim chance that one day she'd be ready to have a grown-up relationship? Absolutely not.

  8. They had only been on two dates and the OP got on his high horse demanding intimacy. From the sounds of it the date hadn't been intimate with many (or any people) before the OP... Seems to me like he tried to go too fast and she didn't know how to respond so she said she was ready, and then clearly wasn't and panicked. Yes biting his lip was definitely not a smart move but giving her an ultimatum to get physical or just be friends after only two dates seems pretty harsh...


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