James Woods Will Smite Her

Story Submitted by Jay:

Genevieve and I met on a site that allowed users to include their religions alongside their profile essays. I'm non-practicing, but I have a Jewish mother and so that makes me Jewish. I listed myself as such on my profile.

Religion never came up during my conversations with Genevieve, and so I guessed that it was a non-issue for her as well. We seemed to have a lot in common, and so I asked her out to dinner a couple of nights after Christmas.

After we had ordered drinks, she asked, "How was your Christmas?"

I said, "Same as every year. Went to see a movie and ordered in Chinese."

She stared at me. "On Christmas?" she asked, "No big family dinner?"

I said, "Well, seeing as I'm Jewish, that's not usually in the cards."

Her face drooped and she suddenly looked winded. She asked, "You're really Jewish?"

I said, "Yes."

She replied, "My mistake," then stood up, laughed a little to herself, and walked away, leaving me sitting there. I thought that perhaps she had excused herself to go to the bathroom, to wash off some of my awesome Jewish aromas, so overcome by them was she.

When she hadn't returned after 15 minutes, I guessed that something anti-Semitic had taken place. I texted her, "Something I said?" then followed it up with, "Or something I believe in?"

No response either way, and so I had a tasty solo dinner and then went home to pray to Israel. Not really. I prayed to James Woods.


  1. ^Cunt is an excellent word for her and other anti-Semites.

    Had she mentioned it before the date and explained that she wasn't interested in dating a Jewish guy, that would have been one thing. But to bust out with "You're REALLY Jewish?" and a laugh-and-leave was just not okay.

    For the record, I'm a total shiksa.

  2. ^ Did she look at his profile and say "Well, he says he is Jewish, but... NO! It must be some sort of test!"

  3. You guys call people extremely offensive words, when you don't even know them, but get outraged about a first-date dutch oven? Mmmkay...

  4. Well surely someone farting in your face whilst forcing your head down is bad enough. Having someone walk out of a date based your personal religious practices (or non practices) is a few outraged faces and words above the fart story. And perhaps the c bomb can be thrown for someone being so anti semantic. If it was done to me im sure I'd be equally as horrified.

    To be fair there are not the same things and should even come up as a comparison to how people react, surely?

  5. ^Sorry ridiculous grammar usage at the end- smite you iPhone!

  6. Jonathan, I was offended by your use of the word "hun"

  7. Rachel: Er.... what point are you trying to make exactly? We express disgust towards people who behave in a disgusting and offensive manner, whether it's farting in someone's face or discriminating against one's religion.

    Seems to me like you're just sulking because no one agreed with you when you said the OP was at fault in the other post.

  8. I just can't believe he waited 15 minutes, like HELLO!!

    People should not throw the term 'anti-Semitic' around, it's an extremely hurtful & offensive label to call someone. It really saddens & makes me lose faith in humanity when we as a society are so intolerant of others' intolerance..

  9. No, churro, Easter isn't when Jesus died, it's when he became the world's first zombie.

  10. I'm confused. Is Rachel defending this ass clown? Or defending dutch ovens on a first date?

  11. The fart story was less about the farting than it was about the fact that he HELD HER DOWN. That's not okay, that's assault and battery, which was a crime last I checked.

    Anyway... I read stories like this one, and it just makes me wonder -- what on earth did she THINK was going to happen? He puts Jewish in his profile, and she somehow expected he would... not be Jewish?

    There seem to be a lot of "What did s/he THINK would happen?" stories out there, which makes me weep for the world.

  12. Jonathan- wasn't Lazarus a zombie before Jesus?

    Rachel- if you don't like the comments, don't read them

  13. @Baku, probably just sulking.

    But seriously, that word is vulgar.

  14. Rachel- I completely agree with the fact that the c-word is vulgar. It's one of the few I actually take offense to. But there are times, such as this, when it is completely appropriate.

  15. ^Needs to back off and to stop assuming her opinion is the correct one.

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  18. So Nikki, do you have a scientist fiance? I'm not sure if that's clear to all of us here. :)

  19. Rachel, I agree with you that it's an offensive word, but I just wanna take this moment to bask in the irony of your objection to certain insults after making fun of me for objecting to others.

  20. Also, Nikki, I will buy your ticket when we go see Fast 5 if you promise to scream that next time you and SciFi(ance) manifest your love in sweaty, writhing, physical lust-humping.

  21. Ok. I'm obviously in the minority here. ::waves the white flag::


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