It Really Is a Jungle Out There

Story Submitted by Jacqueline:

Nick was a zany guy I met online. He liked to hear himself talk, although his sense of humor was what convinced me to meet him in person. He said that he'd pick me up at my house and take me out for a drink after work one evening.

At the arranged-upon time, there was a knock at my door and I opened it. A gorilla costume lay stretched out on my stoop. A handwritten note was attached that read, "Put this on now!"

I was in a nice outfit, and didn't much feel like putting on a gorilla costume. I picked up the outfit and smelled its aroma: partially sulfuric, partially body odor. No, I wouldn't be putting it on. I left it on my doorstep and closed the door.

Less than a minute later, my phone rang. It was Nick. "Are you dressed up?" he asked.

"Yes, but not in that gorilla costume."

He asked, "Why not? I brought it over special for you."

I said, "Thanks, but I'm good with what I'm wearing."

No answer from him aside from breathing. I said, "Nick? Nick? You there?"

Pounding at my door. I jumped and opened it a crack. Someone, who I assumed to be Nick, stood on my porch in another gorilla costume. He stared at me. I stared at him. Then, he growled, grabbed the empty costume, and shoved it at me. I closed the door in his face.

"Nick? What the hell?" I yelled, but he was growling, stamping, and roaring so loudly that I doubt he heard. 

I looked out my window to see him, and I saw him leap off my porch, run at the two garbage cans I had in front of my house for the next day's pickup, and knock them over, spilling trash all over the street. He roared again, returned to my porch, jumped up and down a few times, then ran off with the other gorilla costume.

I remained looking out my window for some time before I called him a few minutes later to ask for an explanation. It went to his voicemail. I changed out of my date clothes and heated up some leftovers for dinner.

He called me a little while afterward and asked if I was ready to go out. By that point, I was ready for bed and tired of his antics, so I told him that things probably wouldn't work out.

After I said that, there was silence on his end of the phone, then a final, piercing roar, and then he disconnected.


  1. As soon as i read Gorilla Costume, I was praying this was one of the stories where they're still together married, 20 years later.

    If you still have the costume, i'll take it off your hands btw, consider it a friendly gesture for a bullet well dodged

    Also, after knocking over those trashcans, King Kong ain't got shit on him

  2. ^ The guy took the costume; how could she still have it?

    Ah, furries...

  3. But if they're mentally eight years old, why are they interested in dating???

  4. Well I need something good to wear to Kinkfest

  5. @kinkfest comment, touché. Well done.

    What the heck, OP. When someone asks if you're an alien, you say yes. When a gorilla costume shows up on your front doorstep, you go for it.

  6. She just needed a Mario costume, and some ladders around the outside of the house, for a fun night!

  7. Sadly, it was not on like Donkey Kong.
    Thank you, I'll be here all day.

  8. OP didn't state whether she cleaned up the trash after he knocked it over. I'm curious. Did you clean it up OP? Or are you a slob?

  9. ^I was wondering that too. Rats, racoons, and all. Or did she leave the trashmen to pick it up?


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