The Hair Up There

Story Submitted by Cathy:

Roger wrote me a few flattering messages, and when I checked out his profile, I saw no red flags, so we conversed back and forth for a bit. We scheduled our first date for that Friday.

In one of the messages he sent that week, he wrote,  "I love the fact that you're blonde," referring to my photos.

I wrote back to him, "Actually, I'm not a natural blonde, and I was planning to dye it back to something approaching its natural color this week." Its natural color is a light brown.

He wrote back, "NOOOOOO!!! You'll ruin it!"

I guessed that he meant it jokingly and replied, "Don't be upset. I think you'll like it."

He didn't address it again, and so I dyed my hair as planned and showed up for the date on Friday, on a bench in a park.

The instant he saw me, I could tell that he was upset. He was frowning and shaking his head.

"You ruined it," he moaned, "Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't! Oh, your beautiful blonde hair! Gone! Gone forever!"

He looked as if he was about to cry. I smiled and asked, "Are you serious? Oh, and it's nice to meet you, by the way."

"Ruined!" he pointed at me and spat on the ground, "Ruined!"

I picked up a few strands of hair and said, "It's just hair. Is it really going to upset you that much?"

He shook his head as if I had destroyed something irreplaceable and precious. "Let's just get this over with," he said.

I replied, "If that's your attitude, then forget it." I put out my hand. "It was nice meeting you."

He shook my hand, and then I turned to leave. He followed me alongside. I asked him, "What are you doing?"

He said, "We're on a date, right?"

I said, "No, I don't think so."

"Oh. Why?"

I replied, "Because you don't like my hair. I think."

He stopped walking, said, "Okay, then," as if I was the unreasonable one, then walked away, in the other direction.


  1. Obviously this guy is an idiot, yet at the same time I want to know why she went ahead and dyed her hair anyway?

    I realize it wouldn't have worked out regardless once he found out about her natural hair color and what not, but don't most people want to make a good impression on their first date?

    Take this out of context. If some guy mentioned that he liked your hair color, would you go out of your way to color it something else if you were planning on dating him?

  2. ahahahahaha GOD the cluelessness of some people...

  3. Mediator, good God, she TOLD HIM that she was dying her hair back to its natural color before the date. He could have replied that he was only interested in dating a blonde woman and called it quits. IT'S HER HAIR. If she wants to dye if purple, orange, rainbow, or shave it into a mohawk, IT'S HER RIGHT TO DO SO. Fuck first impressions; do you really think she would never stop being blonde just to keep some control freak around?

  4. Yeah, it's not like she did it to spite him or prove a point or anything...she made plans that had nothing to do with him. Going out of her way would have been cancelling her plans for him, which seems like a crazy thing to do for a first date.

  5. ^Yeah, I can't say I would ever be inclined to plan my personal grooming around some dude from the internets that I'd never met.

    Not that certain said dudes haven't, on occasion, tried to convince me to do so. :) (I've had first-messages that were, literally, a long-winded version of "You're nothing like what I want in a girl. You should change." Duly noted, dude.)

  6. Even a long term boyfriend or husband doesn't have the right to decide how a girl wears her hair. OP hadn't even had a first date with him yet, she was perfectly within her rights to do anything she wanted to her hair...

  7. I doubt she did it to spite him. And if hair color is that important he should have found a different woman to take out on a date.

  8. Team Cathy here. It's her hair and her appearance and she doesn't have to orchestrate it around ANYONE, be they an acquaintance, a partner, or the rock star David Bowie. That @$$hat Roger should be less interested in a woman's hair color and more interested in a woman's ability to make a man feel cared for.

  9. Why would she make hairstyle choices based on a guy she has no reason to care about yet? I don't buy my aftershave based on what people on OKcupid tell me they like. After I've been hooking up with somebody for a few months, THEN they can provide input into my grooming preferences - otherwise their butt can provide input to my foot.

  10. There's also the issue of convenience. A hair appointment like that has to be arranged in advance, and it will probably take awhile and be expensive. Why change all of those plans for someone you don't know?

  11. Are there any guys who've been told (coz he didn't really ask) not to do something to their appearance prior to a first date with someone they didn't really know?

    "I like beards, so don't shave. Oh, you planned on shaving? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?"

    I mean seriously, does this happen to the opposite sex?

  12. Well yes, it does. But that's mostly just because women don't like hanging around with guys who look like slobs.

    And I guess I should clarify my original statement...

    In NO WAY was I trying to suggest that she colored her hair out of spite or that he had the right to tell her what to do with her appearance.

    I should also note that the way the letter is written does not lead me to believe she had an appointment with a hair salon but that she was planning (future tense) to do it herself, something she could have avoided.

    So really, given the spaz attack he had on the phone, she should have either called it off or not dyed her hair, just saying.


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