Everyone's Special. You're Very Special.

Story Submitted by Claire:

Ben was a sweet, hilarious, smart, interesting, and considerate guy with whom I loved spending time.  We had been friends for a while and thereafter started to date.

For our first few weeks together as a couple, things were great most of the time.  Sometimes, though, he'd fly off the handle over unpredictable things (I shouldn't spend money to take a cab home at night, I should like Henry Miller, I shouldn't wear skirts), and I began to feel increasingly disenchanted with him. No relationship was perfect, but I was beginning to get sick of walking on eggshells.

One evening, I went over to Ben's place to have a drink and hang out. After finishing a round, he went into the kitchen to refill my drink. When he came back, we chatted pleasantly for a few minutes but then I began to feel really strange. My heart beat wildly, and I suddenly started giggling and couldn't stop. Ben just giggled too, like something was really funny. When I stopped, he stopped, like nothing had happened.

Then, he said, "You're a shitty girlfriend who doesn't appreciate how special I am.  I know you've been cheating on me with your ex-boyfriend."

"My ex-boyfriend's on another continent!" I yelled back, and it was the truth.  I felt even more dizzy and woozy.

He went on, "You have to accept my marriage proposal.  I'm special, goddamn it, and you haven't once told me how special I am.  Now you tell me: I'm special!"

On the verge of passing out, I said, "Everyone is special in their own way.  I'm going home."

I stood up, certain that he had put something in my drink.  He said, "You really, really shouldn't have said that."  He looked absolutely furious, and I felt afraid.

I apologized to him in the most soothing voice I could muster, reassured him that he was extra special, and said I wasn't feeling well and had to use the bathroom.

I locked myself in the bathroom, and noticed that the countertops were littered with nearly a dozen orange prescription pill bottles.  I thought about calling the police, but I wasn't sure anything illegal had happened ("My boyfriend's a jerk and I have a tummy ache" didn't seem like 911 material) and I just wanted out of there, so I called my best friend and asked her to call me back and feign an emergency.

I left the bathroom and sure enough, my best friend called. I answered it before Ben could protest, made sure he could hear her loud crying, and told him, "I need to go help my friend."

Ben advanced on me.  "What's wrong with her?"

"She's bipolar."  That was true.  She's also appropriately medicated and a wonderful, caring friend.

Ben confessed, "I'm bipolar, too.  Let me talk to her.  I know all about it."

He reached for the phone but I backed away.  "I think I should just go to see her."

"Give me the phone, now."

I said, "Can I get a glass of water?  I'm not feeling very well, myself."

While Ben was in the kitchen, I grabbed my bag and quietly let myself out the front door. Once in the hallway I made for the stairwell and made my way down as best as I could.

By the time I reached the bottom, I heard him coming after me at the top, screaming, "Lying whore!  You'll regret this!"

I ran outside and to a nearby hotel, where the concierge clearly thought I was a little nuts but got me a glass of water and a cab home.

Ben never hit me or threatened me directly so I didn't think I'd qualify for a restraining order, and it took months for him to stop calling and texting me multiple times a day, alternating between professing undying love and cursing me out. I had to make special arrangements with my apartment building so the front desk wouldn't let him in.

I still receive the occasional email from him about how he's found a new girlfriend or gotten millions of dollars in a lawsuit. What I hope he gets is a good therapist and some medication that will help him more than whatever was all over his bathroom counter.


  1. "Ben never hit me or threatened me directly so I didn't think I'd qualify for a restraining order, and it took months for him to stop calling and texting me multiple times a day"

    Sweetie, that's called HARASSMENT, and it absolutely IS grounds for a restraining order.

  2. Drugging you is illegal too. You think they can't/don't prosecute people who use roofies?

    Holy snit. I realize that you were drugged and not thinking clearly, but if you feel threatened, call the police. That's what they're there for.

  3. I'm very glad you got out of there as safely as possible. Good job taking care of yourself!

  4. And you DIDN'T call the police? What the hell?!

  5. I've known unmedicated bipolar people before, but personally, I've never seen such a violent change in personality. I'm with everyone else: next time someone abuses you in a relationship (sets ridiculous rules and standards that you HAVE to comply with, ROOFIES YOU) or harasses you, definitely call the police and at the very least get a peace order. Block his email address, and if he calls you, let it go to voicemail. Keep the voicemails. Use them as evidence against him. Take care of yourself, sweetie.

  6. A Bad Case of I Should Have Call The Cops But I Didn't.

  7. Geez. I wish this one came with a picture and a full name! Social Security Number wouldn't hurt, either!

  8. A Bad Case of Another Sociopath Gets The Benefit of The Doubt.

  9. Is something missing? You had pretty good evidence that the guy had drugged you - but you still needed to come up with an excuse/a fake phone call to leave? What?

  10. And once again, because you were too passive to do anything about it, the next woman this "sweet, hilarious, smart, interesting, and considerate guy" drugs in his apartment may not be so lucky.

    Honestly you should be ashamed you did nothing to try and curb this obviously troubled person.

  11. I think his plan was to drug you, propose marriage to you whilst in an altered state, and then later I guess guilt you in to sticking to it.

    And yeah, I agree with everyone that you should have called the cops. Even on the slim chance that he didn't drug you, at least you would have been able to leave safely with the cops there. They'd probably have given you a free ride home too.

  12. You should have called the cops, and had the cops take you to the hospital! You don't know what he drugged you with and if you needed medical attention! Holy cow, this is coming from an emergency room nurse! You need to care about and love yourself a little bit more.

  13. I really can't believe you didn't call the cops when you locked yourself in the bathroom. If I was ever in a situation where I felt threatened enough that I had to lock myself in the bathroom and had the means, that is exactly what I would have done.

    I think theMediator said it best, you really should be ashamed of yourself for doing nothing.

  14. This was a pretty scary situation and I really don't understand why you didn't call the cops while in the bathroom. You didn't know what he had given you and should have gotten to the emergency room asap like Connie said. What if it had been poison/something you were allergic to? Plus, the cops could have gotten you out of there safely and that creep would have had a record. Yikes!

  15. On top of all that, your apartment building seems sort of upside down. You needed to make special arrangements for them *not* to let him inside? Doesn't it usually work the other way-- you have to make special arrangements so that they *do* let someone in?

  16. Yeah. Calling the cops would have been a good idea. Glad you're OK. Don't let it happen again.

  17. I think its kinda harsh to say OP should be ashamed of not calling the cops. Of course she should have done so, BUT she was drugged with God knows what and I'm sure wasn't able to think very clearly. I'm sure she did the best she could in a bad situation. Glad she made it out ok...

  18. ^ I agree, it's not just kinda harsh it's pretty fucked up & insensitive to what she experienced. Yes calling the police was the best option but she shouldn't feel ashamed for not doing so, that's practically blaming the victim. Worse happens like rape, many of which go unreported, should those women also feel ashamed for not calling the cops. Trauma affects people differently, and this was traumatic, especially from someone whom she'd been with for a few weeks. Not only that but her view & attitude in the story are akin to that of a battered woman. We can all offer advice on what Claire should've or should do but personally I advocate violence, with extreme prejudice, tell a male friend or family memeber.. and also care about & love yourself way more.

  19. "Lying whore! You'll regret this" is a threat. I'm glad you got out of there safely, but he definitely didn't deserve any benefit of the doubt in NOT calling the cops (i.e. trusting that he wouldn't interfere with your phone call or prevent you from leaving.)

  20. @Cheri

    She clearly said that she considered calling them, but didn't believe the evidence supported her claim. It could be forgiven if this were a fight or flight panic response and she chose to run, but she had time to collect her thoughts and CHOSE not to call the police or report ANYTHING after the fact.

  21. Agreed that actually shaming her is a bit out of line. When in the bathroom, she was DRUGGED. Do you think clearly when you're high as a kite? It's really unfortunate, and it's even more unfortunate that her sober friend apparently didn't think to get her to the hospital either, but it's not like she asked to be assaulted in that way.

    Afterwards, she is clearly ignorant of how the law works, which is also unfortunate, but not everyone has a catalog of legal trivia residing in their brain. There's also the fact that sometimes, those in charge of the system are, still, unfortunately, also biased against the victim. (I called the police on someone who was making threats *in writing* against me some years ago, and was told that we have "free speech" in this country, what did I want them to do?)

    Sure, she should have tried, at least. But what happened isn't her fault. It's his.

  22. I can't believe it took until Sawyer for someone to point out that the cops aren't always on your side.

    How would calling the cops have prevented this from happening to someone else? There's no way there was enough evidence to get him convicted of anything, much less something that would prevent him from coming into contact with other young women in the future.

    I don't blame OP for just wanting to get out of there ASAP and without the huge shit show that involving the police would entain.

  23. This guy wasn't bipolar, he was almost definitely Borderline Personality Disordered. These people are often very charismatic, intelligent and to *most* appearances and to all friends/coworkers, seem like the last person in the world you'd peg as insane. Therein lies their most deadly weapon: often they are so cunningly manipulative and disassociated from reality that they succeed in making you and everyone who knows you think you're the one who's batshit crazy. These people only show their hand once they become intimately involved romantically - then, WATCH OUT! You are going to be walking on eggshells for the rest of the time you're enmeshed in their crazy. They cycle wildly from "I hate you/you're cheating/you're crazy/I'll kill you" to "you are the love of my life/marry me/I'll kill myself without you.". They are very adept at molding themselves into your perfect mate, and at the start it's the best relationship you ever had. Then they flat out lose it. Thereafter it's back and forth between "I hate you/don't leave me.". Very, very dangerous people. Check out www.BPDFamily.com for some of the saddest, craziest, most frightening dating experiences you'll ever read.

    This is a massively bad disorder that has very low treatment success, and there's no medication that helps, either. It takes deep, sustained therapy and most therapists won't even work with BPD people because they are intractable, wildly unpredictable and often violent and abusive as all get-out. Stay with one long enough and they'll have you convinced you're crazy and need meds. RUN top speed from such folks - a classic case of BPD is Drew Petersen. 'nuff said!


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