4/15/2011

As Soon as Possible. We're Obviously a Great Match.

Email Submitted by Rose:

Looks like we listen to the same music types.  I'm Fred.  Nice to meet ya.

You do a lot of work with animals.  You in PETA or something?  If I look at an animal the wrong way, will you stab me or something?  Did you know that they used to make trash cans out of elephant feet?  Does that piss you off?  I bet it does.  Sorry, toots.  I eat animals, the cuter the tastier.

You also have down that you work with small children.  I can't imagine that being anything near fun.  Working with screaming, spitting, shitting children all day?  You must come home smelling like a dump.

And "I'm proud to have a great relationship with my family."  Are you for real?  Nobody has a good relationship with their family.  Mine kicked me out when I was 16 and I haven't talked to them since and good riddance to those pompous blowhards.  Don't miss them, they don't miss me.  Don't know why you'd have that written in there.  Seriously it's obv. untrue.  ;)

So when do you want to meet up?

Fred
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12 comments:

  1. theMediator4/15/2011 10:31 AM

    The cuter the tastier...

    Guess I shouldn't have turned down that kitten, puppy, and baby squirrel buffet then.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Claire (and Nikki)4/15/2011 10:58 AM

    Hashtag: I'm a douche and just wanna take my pissy feelings out on a random stranger so I don't have to deal with the consequences of my actions.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous4/15/2011 11:39 AM

    "Mine kicked me out when I was 16..."

    I can't imagine why.

    ReplyDelete
  4. churro4/15/2011 11:49 AM

    I don't think the Mystery school of pick-up artistry had in mind for guys to be aggressively douchey and dumb at the same time. Though I can see why it'd be easy for a lot of guys to think so.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sparkina4/15/2011 12:12 PM

    If ever there was an Emperor of the @$$hats Pageant, this fellow would take the crown by a landslide.

    ReplyDelete
  6. nomatophobia4/15/2011 1:50 PM

    Hi Sparkina. My name is nomatophobia. Me - Friend. You - Bot?
    So. What's the deal here? Are you selling something? I'm confused.

    Sorry if I missed it if the mystery was discovered already. I was away on vacation for awhile.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Claire (and Nikki)4/15/2011 4:38 PM

    Sparkina isn't a bot. She's a woman who dislikes cursing, but loves using the word "asshat" anyway.

    Welcome back, Noma. I hate missing out on all the abcotd stories, even if I'm only gone for a weekend, since Jared posts about 30 a day. You didn't miss TOO much, just a Donkey/Elephant dust-up a few entries ago. <3

    ReplyDelete
  8. nomatophobia4/15/2011 6:57 PM

    The sparkina mystery stemmed from this link: http://www.abadcaseofthedates.com/2011/04/my-bonbons-breathe.html#comments

    Dammit. I was really looking forward to a Scooby Doo mystery too.

    Oh, I went back and read everything I missed. I am dedicated like that.

    Good to be back! I went to Italy. I tried to go on bad dates there so I could report back. Maybe give a little international flair to the pages. No go. T'was too much fun to entertain you guys. Sorry. Bad Case of the Bad Dates Fail.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Natalie4/16/2011 4:47 AM

    "...I eat animals, the cuter the tastier.

    You also have down that you work with small children..."

    Shame about the paragraph break really, but he took me somewhere so much more exciting.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm Molly4/16/2011 6:41 PM

    Churro, isn't the first rule of the Mystery school not to even bother with the girls who like their family? Fred obviously needs to take some more classes.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous4/17/2011 11:57 PM

    Blah blah blah insult blah blah blah your mother blah blah blah.

    So...when's the sex?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Unknown1/11/2017 6:08 PM

    Even for someone who's negging, this is bad.

    ReplyDelete

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