Split After the Appetizer

Story Submitted by Francisco:

Susan was the daughter of my college's dean of students, and easily one of the most attractive girls on campus.  I asked her out, was amazed that she said yes, and I took her to a local bar and grill.

After we were seated, I asked her, "Would you like to split an appetizer?"

She replied, "That's pretty cheap.  What if I wanted my own?"

I said, as friendly as possible after such a statement, "Then get your own.  I was only suggesting it."

She said, "Watch your tone.  My father's dean of students, remember?"

I asked, "So he'll kick me out of college if we split an appetizer?"

She said, "If you don't treat me right."  She looked down at the menu and said, "I'd like to try two appetizers."

"We can split two, sure."

She moaned and said, "Now you're just fucking with me.  I want to try two and if I really like them both then I'll want to eat them both.  Does that make sense to you, now?  Maybe you can have some when I'm done."

She ordered chicken wings and a small vegetable plate appetizer, and I ordered stuffed mushrooms for mine.  When they arrived, I told her, "You're welcome to try some of mine."  She didn't thank me, but she started in on her wings and vegetables.

She ate perhaps one wing and two stalks of celery when she pushed the plates away from herself and said, "I'm done."  I again offered her mushrooms and I reached to grab a carrot stick from her vegetable plate.

She slapped at my hand, but I kept it where it was.  She slapped it again, then again.  I asked, "What are you doing?"

She said, "That's my food, thief.  Hands off."

I said, "I thought we were splitting appetizers.  I offered you some of mine."

She said, "I changed my mind.  Hands off."  She was right, I guess, but pretty mean about it.

We ate dinner and the check came.  I asked her if she'd split it with me, as I felt like it had been less a date and more an excuse for her to be explicitly nasty to someone.

She said, "I wouldn't have ordered two appetizers, then, but sure, whatever.  Cheapskate."

She put down about half of what she owed, and I ended up covering the rest.  We had both had food packed up to go, and so I grabbed my takeout bag, but noticed that, after she stood up to leave, she was forgetting hers.

We left the restaurant together, and then, once outside, I said, "Oh crap, you forgot your bag.  I'll go in and get it."

I went back inside, found her bag still sitting on the table, opened it, took her food out, put it in mine, grabbed another bag from a waiter, and stuffed her bag with paper napkins, then folded it closed.  Then, I thought, if she opens this to find napkins, she might blame the restaurant, so I hastily wrote on a napkin, "Thanks - Francisco," and put it on top of the other napkins in the bag.

Back outside, I handed it to her, and we parted.  I went home to eat leftovers for a few days, and she never contacted me again.


  1. Somebody's gonna be in for a shock after graduation, when "My daddy's the dean" doesn't carry water.

  2. I love to see the look on her face the first time "My daddy is the dean" doesn't work for this spoiled waste of space.


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