Not What Zeus Had in Mind

Story Submitted by Roxie:

This happened right after the Clash of the Titans remake was released. Clark and I were on our first date, and he took me out to see that film and then have dinner afterward.

The movie was okay, and Clark liked it a lot more than I did. He especially seemed to like the kraken, the giant, aquatic beast of many tentacles that Perseus fought in the film.

After it was over and we were walking down the sidewalk to dinner, Clark shouted, "Release the kraken!" and farted loud enough to be heard across the street. Someone even cheered for him. He gave me a look and said, "Sorry. The kraken had to be released."

I said, "It's okay. You done?"

He shouted, "Release the kraken!" once more, and another large fart burst out of his pants.

"Oh, for God's sake," I said, and hurried along in front of him.

He caught up and said, "Sorry. The kraken just has to be released."

I said, "That's enough, now." He apologized again and we made it to dinner without further incident.

At dinner, we had just ordered drinks when he said, "Release the kraken!" and farted again. He giggled.

I said, "If you don't stop, then I'm leaving."

He said, "Don't go. We just ordered drinks, and this is on me."

I said, "Thank you, but I don't care. It's disgusting. I—"

"Release the kraken!" he yelled, and this last one was loud enough to make other patrons turn their heads. He sank down in his seat and murmured, "Sorry, everybody."

I stood up and said, "Have a good night, Clark."

He said, "I just can't stop releasing the kraken! Release the kraken!"

Another fart, followed by laughter. I was out of there.


  1. I would comment but fart jokes are beneath me and I'd just be blowing some hot air.

  2. Howie: Release the Kraken!

  3. Honestly, if this guy had that much gas buildup, there must be something seriously wrong with his diet.

  4. I'm sure that guy thought he was a real gas.

  5. Maybe he eats a lot of Fiber One bars

  6. yeah how did he manage to have all that gas inside??


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