I Smell Franchise

E-mail Submitted by Karl:

Don't take this the wrong way but you come off like a douche.  Your pictures make it look like your have a 3rd-grade-education at best, and your profile sentences are all about you, making you appear self-centered and vain.

I'm Marie, and I'm a consultant of sorts for people's online profiles.  I've helped over 6 people fix up their images online all with great success.  Here's an example from your profile and my suggested fix:

Your profile: "I've worked with inner city kids, teaching them reading and also as a baseball coach."

BORING and DOUCHEY.  It should read: "I'm very interested in getting to know YOU."  (don't forget that you're on here to meet others, not yourself!)

One more quick one (I usually charge$$$): "If you have a favorite type of cuisine, I can point you to a great place in the city."

BORING and DOUCHEY!  AgAIN, ALL ABOUT YOU.  SHOULD BE ABOUT YOUR MATE.  CORRECTTION: "We can go wherever you want for dinner - your choice!"

See the difference!  So many more responses my way - guaranteed!  Write back to sound less like a DOUCHE and more like a MATE CATCHER.

Marie Consulting


  1. Marie Consulting (Inc?) should think about how creepy a profile sounds that only talks about the potential "mate":

    "Go out with me and I will treat you like a queen! I'm interested in getting to know YOU! We will go anywhere to eat--your choice! You will have the best time!"

  2. So she's helped.. seven people?

  3. Oh yah. Working with inner city kids is soooooo douchey. Karl - call me.

  4. Totally sounds like a self-centered douche to me! Karl, on the other hand...

  5. She could use a little anti-douche training herself.

  6. Don't take this the wrong way but you come off like a egotistical bitch. Your messages make you appear like an elitist snob who thinks she knows whats best for everyone.

    I'm Erik, and I'm a consultant for Internet Idiots. I've helped hundreds learn a little humility with great success and I intend to help YOU become less of a hypocrite. Here's an example of your message and my suggested fix:

    "BORING and DOUCHEY. It should read: "I'm very interested in getting to know YOU." (don't forget that you're on here to meet others, not yourself!)"
    Correction: "Wow, you sound like a great guy with intentions to better himself and his community by taking an active role in its improvement."

    See the difference! So many more responses my way - guaranteed! Write back to sound less like a bitch and more like an acceptable human being.

  7. Anyone know where Nikki is? I haven't seen a comment from her in a while...

  8. Maybe she helped six people, and thinks she may have helped a seventh, but is not sure because he only wrote back asking her to eat his nuts.

  9. When I look at a dating profile I want to know more about that person, not know they want to learn about me!

  10. Cheri: I'm still around! We're getting into crazy times in my office, so I haven't been able to keep up with the postings. Some day soon, I will spend probably two hours going through everything and offering my brilliant commentary to this forum. Until then, know that I'm thinking fondly of all of you.

  11. How do pictures make it look like your [sic] have a 3rd-grade education? Are the pictures of you holding a sign that says "I only have a 3rd grade education"?

    Also, I hate it when profiles say "I want to know all about YOU" - that only makes sense for a message to a specific person. Of COURSE your profile is about YOU. Ugh. I want to stab Marie.


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