Curse You, Animal Gods!

E-mail Submitted by Bruce:

A dog chased and bit me when I was 5. A shark almost ate me at the beach when I was 12. In Florida an alligator chased me into my parents' car when I was 6. It's not that I don't like animals. They don't like me.

When I'm out with friends, mosquitoes only eat me. Lions at the zoo always roar just at me, even when they wake up from sleeping. When I bring ducks bread they won't eat my bread. Why won't ducks even eat my bread when they eat everyone else's bread.

People's pet dogs growl at me and cats hiss. Even their pet fishes frown at me. WTF, fish?

I wrote to you because your profile says that you don't own dogs/cats/pets. Thank you, and I want to get to know you.



  1. Not that crazy, animals just don't like some people. A little weird that it seems to be all animals, but she is probably blowing it out of proportion.

  2. Maybe she smells really bad, and has a crappy attitude overall. Animals do pick up on that, and the bad smell may be why pigeons won't go near food she touches. If no -pets- like her at all, that's a bit of a red flag.

    I do think she's being overdramatic and paranoid though. Lions have no reason to roar at people at zoos, let alone one single person.

    Make sure to bring her to a zoo or animal kennel on your first date. :)

  3. If my animals don't like someone it's usually because they're a bad person. Like sociopath bad. If all animals are doing it... the person is probably incredibly evil.

    I bet Lina started torturing cats after the dog bit her and that's what started causing the rest of it.

    Either that or the dog was a werewolf and now she's one too. I seem to remember there being something about animals not liking werewolves.

  4. Once again. I think she was trying to make a joke. It's somewhat cute, I would give her a chance.

  5. I actually laughed when I read this email. I would have replied.

  6. Yeah I thought she was funny :)

  7. She has to be some sort of evil being underneath the guise of a normal person... everyone knows animals can sense evil.

  8. That settles it.
    She's clearly a Terminator. K

  9. It wouldn't have put me off answering her.

  10. @churro & Kitabare
    I would have to completely disagree with these observations. for example: I am completely evil and most animals either don't mind me or actually like me. What you're probably seeing is your animal being a bitch to a stranger or mistaking someone for someone else they don't like.


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