"You Seem to Have a Beard"

E-mail Submitted by John:

Hi John.

Thanks for your message - you sound like a sweet guy but I was wondering if you'd do me a favor and your answer to it will let me know how best for me to proceed with you.

You seem to have a beard.  The beard makes you look kind of rapisty, and I was wondering if you'd shave it before any kind of date.  I'm not saying that we're going to go out on a date per se, but I want to know if it goes that far with us, if you'd shave it before me meeting you.  Not a fan of the rapist's beard, John.

Answer that real quick and I'll be happy to answer your other questions.  Thank you!


John Responds:

Hey Brianna.

I don't think I'd shave my beard, although I regularly trim it.  However, I'd be glad to work out some sort of deal with you.  If I shave my beard, will you shave your head?  Let me know!


(John says: "No response from Brianna.")


  1. Something about the way I hear "Not a fan of the rapist's beard, John." in my head makes this hilarious.

  2. I'm going to have to side with Brianna... John's beard is totally rapisty.

  3. I think the shaving of the head thing is a bit much to trimming my beard... perhaps highlighting her hair for you might be a more appropriate comparison.

    I'd shave my beard for a girl who would get midnight blue highlights for me ;)

  4. @Jared, I love your blog, but recently I've been seeing posts that don't even make it to the date stage. There are psychos and creepers all over cyberspace; that's nothing new. Should we take this as a sign that real-world bad dates are on the decline?

  5. I agree that the shaving of the head is a bit much compared to a beard. He should have asked her to shave her pubes into a J.

  6. Rachel - you're in the Sketchy Emails section.

  7. @Rachel

    Thanks for the note. I post up stories and sketchy e-mails. I try to edit plenty of both for fans of either.

  8. Anytime there is the slightest twitch of a penis wanting to get together with a vagina that has gone awry, there is occasion for ABCOTD.

    Not a blog to discriminate, I'm sure any combination or even quantity of sexual organs in this equation are also welcome.

    Fear not Rachel, bad dates abound.

  9. "Rapisty" is my favourite word now


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