Story Submitted by Scott:

Paula and I had been out on one date already.  She seemed to form an instant attachment to me, and historically, that usually makes me back off.  There were no glaring red flags to speak of, but something about her manner implied desperation, and my next question would be, "Why would she appear to be so desperate?"

For our second date, I had the idea to go to the beach.  Partly because it was beautiful out, and partly because I wanted to see Paula in a swimsuit.  She latched onto the plan at once, practically screaming with anticipation.  "What a good idea!" were her exact words.

I picked her up at her place.  She carried with her a beach towel and bag, and wore a wide-brimmed hat, sunglasses, and a light outfit that covered her arms and legs.

We made the two-hour drive to the beach, picked out a spot, and I stripped to my bathing suit.  She offered to put suntan lotion on me, and I let her.

She didn't change out of her clothes, and I asked her, "Are you going to come in the water with me?"

She replied, "No, I didn't bring a bathing suit."  She pulled out a book and started to read.

I asked, "Did you not want to come here today?"

She replied, "Of course I did.  There's more to do at the beach than jump in the water."

I suppose.  We could have easily gone to a library or park if the plan was to sit on a blanket and read.  Still, I guess it was my own fault for not asking in the beginning if she would be interested in swimming at the beach.  Regardless, I was there to enjoy everything, and so I spent some time in the water, then came out and asked her, "Want to take a walk?"

She replied, "No, I'm good."

"Maybe later?"

She said, "We'll see.  I'm reading now."

I was hungry, so I unpacked a sandwich.  I offered her one and she took it and put it on her towel, beside herself.  After I finished, I said, "I'm going to take a walk."  She didn't respond, and off I went.

I was gone for maybe about a half-hour.  When I returned, she and all of our things were gone.  I looked around to make sure that I was back in the right place.  I was.  For the better part of an hour, I searched up and down the area until I finally found her, sitting under a tree near a trash can in the parking lot.

I asked her, "I was worried.  Why did you move?"

She shrugged and asked, "Ready to go?"

I wasn't.  I had wanted to go back in the water.  When I told her this, she sighed and said, "Make it quick.  I'm almost done with my book."

I spent about a half-hour in the water, and when I returned to her and toweled off, she said, "That wasn't making it quick at all.  I finished my book ten minutes after you left and have been waiting here the whole time."

I said, "Sorry.  I was out, you know, enjoying the beach."

She didn't say a word to me the entire ride home, and didn't even say goodbye before leaving my car.  I have no idea what was up her ass that day, but when she called up to schedule a third date, I cut her loose sooner than give her another chance.


  1. OP totally was the bad date here!

  2. Nah, it's pretty clear Paula was in the wrong. It seems pretty clear that she had no interest in doing anything other than sit and read her book - she didn't want to swim, she didn't want to take a walk, she pretty clearly didn't actually want to do anything other than reading. For a date she seems pretty disinterested in spending any time with the OP, even when he suggested things to do which weren't swimming.

  3. With Arthur on this. She acted as if she didn't want to spend time with her date on a date. I can see going to a beach to sit and read if you've been together for a while, but on a second date? I'd think she'd want to spend time with him and talk to him, as he clearly wanted to do with regards to her.

  4. Why do some people seem to forget that relationships are a two-way street? There are times when it's ok to do your own thing, but there are plenty more times when you should be spending time together.

    OP should have also asked her if anything was wrong, or maybe she had a phobia of the water or something.

  5. Hans - What was he supposed to do? Sit there and watch her read all day?

  6. theMediator, people don't go to the beach for the sand, they go for the sea. If you've got a water phobia you'd say so when the idea of a beach trip is raised.
    I'm on OP's side, Paula should have put more effort in.

  7. That's not necessarily true. My wife and I have gone to the beach to have a nice day out, watch the waves, read a book, and have a picnic - no swimming necessary.

    But you seem to have overlooked my original point. Communication. If she didn't want to be there, or to go swimming, she should have vocalized. He should have done more to bring her out of her shell instead of just running off by himself.

    She was unreasonable. He was insensitive.

  8. The ocean is not the only point of the beach. I love to go in fall or winter when it's mostly empty and just walk, read or make a sand castle. But I agree that 2nd date is a bit early for the "you do your thing and I'll do mine" type of attitude...

  9. theMediator: He did suggest going for a walk, and she shot him down. Yes, it's a two-way street, but the OP actually made an effort to walk his part of the distance and was completely shot down. What was he supposed to do, keep tossing out ideas until he eventually hit on something she wanted to do?

    Bottom line: he was constructive and tried to find something they both wanted to do, she shot ideas down without offering any of her own.

  10. Doesn't matter. If this is a date, even if the other person is being unresponsive, you don't just leave for a half hour and expect them to be there when you return.

    Here's how I see things:

    Scott: Coming in the water?
    Paula: No thanks, 'pulls out book'.
    Scott: I thought you wanted to be here.
    Paula: I do, the sunshine, the air, and the sand I love, I just don't feel like swimming.
    Scott: Oh. 'eats sandwich'.
    Scott: Well, you're boring, I'm gonna abandon you here for a while. Cya.

  11. If the other person is being unresponsive *and* is going out of their way to shut you out and make it seem like they'd rather you stop bugging them so they can read their book, it's no longer a date.

  12. $7 and a pineapple that this chick was on her period

  13. Jared has it, and Mediator you should know this being married. For a couple that spends a lot of time together, this would have been somewhat normal. Still kinda rude, but I can see it. On a second date? Hell no. She was way outta line.

  14. Jeez, Mediator, even I know to give up after awhile. So he sits there and just offers suggestion after suggestions, like Arthur says. Why would he want to go on a third date, then? He might as well cut his losses and enjoy the beach like he did.

  15. Ooh! Who's going to explain to mosqitoe that medical science has taken some giant leaps in the past couple hundred years? Or are we just ignoring his asinine statement?


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