Nature Runs its Course

Story Submitted by Eva:

John and I had been together for a month when he drove me to a park on a sunny morning.  We stepped out of the car and he said, "I hid something for you somewhere in the park.  Go find it."

Excited by this turn of events, I asked him, "Do I get any clues?"

"Nope.  Off you go."

"But I don't even know what I'm looking for."

"It's a surprise.  You'll know it when you find it."

Despite my cajoling, he wouldn't budge, only promising me that I'd know it when I found it, and that it wasn't too hard to find.  He said, "Take an hour.  If you don't find it by then, come back here and I'll give you a clue."

I love surprises, but even this sounded a little unusual to me.  Still, things had been going well, and I had no reason to think that this was anything other than spontaneous fun.  I made for the trees and strolled around.

After about 15 minutes of looking, I didn't find anything other than some squirrels and sticks.  I circled back to the lot, but John and his car were gone.  I was confused for a moment, then thought that that was part of his plan.  He was probably planning to return with something, I thought, and made my way back around the paths with no destination in particular.  Just in case, I kept an eye open for any kind of "surprise" that he might actually have hidden.

After an hour had passed, I returned to the parking lot and John was there.  He asked me if I had found anything, and I confessed that I was empty-handed.

He said, "Ready for lunch?" and unlocked his car.

I glanced at the woods.  "But... I... you... wasn't there something for me to find in the park?"

He said, "Nah.  I just had some errands to run and I needed to keep you occupied.  Come on."

I laughed, because I was sure he was joking.  He had to be.

He wasn't.

"Come on.  Lunch," he said, and pointed to his car.

I stepped away from him.  "'Keep me occupied'?  Like I'm a little kid or a pet or something?  Start making sense."

He said, "I just had stuff to do this morning, and I couldn't postpone any of it.  Come on.  I'll pay for lunch.  Let's go."

"So you lied about having a surprise for me?  That's not cool."

"I said I'd pay for lunch.  Let's go."

"I walked around the woods like an idiot for an hour.  You could've just asked me to meet up an hour later!  Are you fucking serious?"

He slammed his hand on his car.  "I said I'd pay for lunch!  What else do you fucking want from me?"

"Fuck off," I told him, and made for the woods.  I called a friend who picked me up, and needless to say, that was it for John and I.


  1. At least he came back. #kanyeshrug

  2. Seriously, what more could you want? He said he'd pay for lunch...sheesh!

  3. Would have come to the same thing if he hadn't...

  4. I would've taken some of those sticks and squirrels and shoved them down his pants...

  5. I'm sorry, but that's really funny. I mean, sucks for you to experience it...but still, funny.

  6. J.L.B. is hilarious... in that sort of way where you watch a guy get hit by a truck on America's Funniest Home Videos and that guy from Full House makes a bad joke :)

  7. I would've made him buy me lunch and then ditched him. At least that way you get something out of it.


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