Monkey See, Monkey Do

Story Submitted by Steven:

Gina and I were having brunch at a neighborhood cafe and we were looking over the specials when she said, "So Gina, tell me about your writing."

I looked at her, and she went on, "I'm glad you asked, Steven.  I've written about a hundred publishable poems and I'm halfway through my first novel."

I said, "I'm sure we would've gotten to the topic."

"I'm helping it along," she said, then went on, in a deeper voice, "Tell me about your poems and novel, Gina.  I'm very interested."

She replied to herself, "Thanks for your interest, Steven.  See?  That's how you're supposed to be."

I said, "Okay, tell me about your writing."

She said, "Way to sound enthused, Steven.  If you don't care, then this date probably wasn't a good idea."

"I'm used to these sorts of details coming out in conversation."

She replied, "Hello?  What are we doing now?  What's this, if not conversing?"

"Please tell me about your writing, Gina.  I'm interested."

"Forget it."

An uncomfortable silence ensued.  Gina broke it with, "Sorry, Gina.  Please continue."

She replied to herself, "Your apology is accepted, Steven," she rolled her eyes and went on about her poems and novel.  We ordered food.  She wouldn't shut up about herself or her projects, and most conversational input from me was ignored.

When the check came, I said, "Let me help you with that, Steven."

She asked, "What?"

I said, "Let me help you with that, Steven.  It's awfully polite of me to offer, isn't it?"

I went on, "It sure is, Gina.  Thanks for being so polite.  And I'll take you up on your offer."

Gina shook her head, "That's not the way this works."

I said, "That's how it's supposed to be.  I'm helping it along."

She made a face, then took out her wallet.  Chump.


  1. Ahahahahahahahaha that's hilarious!!!

  2. Ever thought you were the boring date OP? Maybe too many lulls in the conversation at the start? I'd like to hear Gina's version.

    But well played at the end there OP.

  3. I like how it says "publishable" instead of "published", which leads me to believe she's never gotten anywhere with her writing.

    Hell, I'm a college student and I'm already a published author, but it's one of the last things I'd talk about on a date. I don't see why she'd want to talk about something she hasn't accomplished yet.

    But maybe that's just me.

  4. @ numbers guy...

    many people out there, a lot of whom end up being written about on this site, are extremely proud of very non-prideworthy or straight-up ridiculous things. And that, my friend, is "the way things work," hehe.

    (For some, being really proud of something — anything — gives them the self-confidence to interact with the opposite sex, or to interact socially, at work, etc. So that is really how it works in a way)

  5. @churro

    I know what you mean about self-confidence. If the OP had asked about her hobbies and she'd said, "I really enjoy writing, and I'd like to be published someday", then that's cool. Working towards a bigger goal like that is something to be proud of.

    But to just start talking about it out of nowhere and acting like it's a big deal when you haven't accomplished anything is a little...narcissistic, I guess. (I don't know if that's the best word, but it's all I can think of right now)

  6. Well played OP. I love this new trend where men who are on bad dates have the women pay their half the bill.

    "You're a bad date!"

    "You don't like it? Pay for your food."

  7. @numbers (which I think should be your new nickname) I think it's narcissistic to be so eager to go on and on about oneself that you have to CREATE conversation about you just to have an "excuse" to talk about your non-accomplishments. You used the correct word.


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