It Always Comes Up

Story Submitted by Winny:

Karl and I found each other online.  He was a good-looking gym rat and seemed smart and mature enough.  We set up a date after a week of talking to each other.

We met outside of a restaurant.  I didn't see him coming and he tapped me on my shoulder.  I spun to meet his smile.

"Nice to meet you," he said, and he reached to embrace me in a hug.  But then, I saw it, and by that time, it was impossible to un-see.

Karl was in spandex pants.  And he had a boner.

The hug lasted all of a second before I pulled away and said, "Wow.  Look at those pants."

"You think so?  Sorry.  They were all I had to wear.  Can you see my boner?"

"Sure can."

"Good.  Let's do dinner."

Dinner was awkward.  For the first few minutes, he tried to make his boner go down by moving it between his legs.  Finally, he said that it would probably go away on its own and that we should ignore it.

The rest of dinner went as well as could be, although I was having serious second thoughts about the guy.  We were able to keep the conversation away from boners, and I hoped that it wouldn't come up again.

It did.  "Whoa," he said, reaching down to himself, "I think we've got a situation, here."

"For God's sake," I pushed my plate away and said, "Can you cut it out?"

He said, "Don't know much about men, do you?  We can't exactly control it.  I've always had a meaty boner."

"Can we get the check?"

"No problem!"

He paid for dinner, and once we were outside, I extended my hand to him to ensure that there would be no hugging.  He shook it, said, "Sorry about my boner," and wished me a good night.

This was years ago, but I remember it as if it happened yesterday.  Unfortunately.


  1. ...are you that lonely and pathetic? Some guy you just met online comes up to you in spandex pants with an uncontrollable boner (are you sure it wasn't just a cucumber? Do you know what a penis looks like?), and you STILL WENT TO DINNER WITH HIM? Then sat through dinner while he "waited for his boner to go down"?

    Girl, you were punk'd.

  2. "Gym Rat" and "smart and mature" never go in the same sentence. Learn that lesson and you might not experience this again.

  3. I fail to see how this was a bad date.

  4. Anony...you don't think it's a bad date for a dude to spend an entire dinner out with a woman while he's sporting a boner while wearing spandex pants?

    ARE YOU KARL?!?!

    1. Spandex is kind of a fashion faux pas. Erections, OTOH, are autonomic and not much can be done about them. The OP and Karl both fail at tact and class: the OP should have pretended she didn't see it, and Karl should not have tried to draw her attention to it.

  5. He should have just gone to the bathroom and jerked it. Problem solved.


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