I Didn't See Your Face But I Know Everything I Need

E-mail Submitted by Tyla:

I study faciology, the study of faces and what they say and the messages they give unintentionally to those around us.  As a service to you, I've written up a profile based on the photos you've posted to your account.  There is no need to thank me, although I do have a special offer at the bottom of this message!

You have (3) photos posted on your profile.  (2) of them are of you smiling the other (1) is an action shot of you playing (soccer).  Your faces seem to be (friendly), (understanding) and (patient).  You are awarded (30) points.

You are also obviously active, as evidenced by your face in the action shot.  You are awarded another (10) points.

You have long hair and dark hair.  Both are considered key indicators of a (feminine) personality.  You are awarded another (50) points.

Finally, you have two pimples (birthmarks?) that offend me.  Minus (10) points (sorry!!!).

Finally, the special offer!  I find that I am most compatible with women who score a 80, and you scored it!  Claim your prize (me!)!



  1. I give Gary 100 points for originality, but I'm afraid I'll have to deduct 50 points for douchebaggery and another 49 for predictability.

  2. How hard are the midterms for bullshit, made up fields of studies?

  3. Actually, faciology or faceology is a real thing. I don't know if you can actually study it - say, in a university, but it is real...

    Still a d-bag though.

  4. There is a field of study of facial features called Physiogomy. It's a Chinese disclipine and based on the overall balance of the features. Obviously, this numbnuts got an 'F' in it.

  5. Pet peeve: there is no need to put numbers in parentheses. You only do that when you write "I have two (2) cars" -- and then the parentheses are not because they're numbers, but because they're parenthetical, just as if you had written "I have a teal (blue-green) car".

    I'm sure all the readers of this site already know this, but the fellow who wrote that e-mail message obviously didn't! :)


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