Blade of Inglory

Story Submitted by Allen:

Mona and I were out on our first date and were in the middle of talking when she cried out in pain and her hand went to her thigh.

We were sitting in a booth and so I couldn't see the cause of her alarm, but she started breathing uncontrollably and I jumped out of my seat to assist her on her side of the table.

A bloodstain about the size of a half-dollar spread through her jeans.  It wasn't terrible, in retrospect, but at the time, it looked pretty frightening.  She pulled a knife out of her pocket and slammed it onto the table.  The knife had blood on it.  I helped her limp to the bathroom to clean herself up.  A waitress asked if everything was okay, and I told her that I thought it was.

Mona was in the restroom for a little while, but not long enough to cause major concern.  I checked on her, and she said, "I'm fine, but I feel like an idiot."

I had a good amount of time to think, and the only explanation I could think of was that she had carried the knife with her, inexplicably in her pocket, as a means of "protection" in case I tried to take advantage of her.

Sure enough, when she came back to the table, she explained, "I had it just in case.  I guess I should've kept it somewhere other than my pocket.  It wouldn't fit, so I had to poke a hole in the pocket with the point.  I must have shifted wrong and it stuck me."

What an idiot, I thought.  She was going to be fine, but I wouldn't be seeing this Darwin-award winner again.


  1. Smart girls should only carry condoms in their pocket for protection.

  2. Actually, the only issue I have with this story is the fact he used Darwin Award "Winner".

    Come on, maybe contestant, but winner? I don't think so...

  3. Yeah, what she did isn't even worth an Honorable Mention compared to the others in the Darwin Awards. Hopefully she'll learn from this and just carry Mace in the future.

  4. I don't really think this warranted her being labeled an idiot. Sure, maybe in the future she'll have one with a sheath, but - she was just trying to protect herself.

  5. "It wouldn't fit, so I had to poke a hole in the pocket with the point. I must have shifted wrong and it stuck me."

    Uh , what's wrong with putting it in a purse? And mace is very effective.

  6. He didn't even say what kind of knife. Kitchen, hunting, pocket, switch blade? Dammit woman If you want people to take you seriously get a gun!
    As to the Darwin thread she wouldn't even make honorable mention. Accidentally cutting yourself barely registers on the stupid meter, especially given the track record of this site.

  7. Don't you have to actually die to get a Darwin award?

  8. ^ To get the actual award, you have to die. However, you can still get an Honorable Mention if you survive.

  9. ^ Technically, you just need to remove yourself from the gene pool. If you manage to damage your reproductive organs, that's good enough to win.


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