Being Hyper-Literal Is Kind of a Super Power

Story Submitted by Russell:

If Angela was a robot, I'd say that she didn't have her sense of humor chip installed.  Online, when we first spoke, it was much harder to tell if she seriously didn't like to joke around or if she was just playing deadpan.  It became obvious on our date, which one it was.

It started shortly after we sat down and ordered drinks.  I asked her, "What would you like to do after dinner?  There's mini-golf, bowling, a playground, amateur shotputting..."

She said, "I will not do shotputting.  Do you think I could throw a shotput in a skirt like this?"

I told her, "That last one was a joke.  I meant amateur javelin-throwing."

She stared at me.  "Are you serious?  You honestly expect me to throw a javelin?"

"That was also a joke."

The waitress came by with our drinks and we ordered dinner.  After she left, I asked Angela, "So you teach both day and night school and you do volunteer work.  Are you a superhero or something?"

She looked at me as if I was a seven-year-old and said, "I'm not a superhero.  Superheroes can fly, turn invisible, and have super strength.  I'm just a teacher and volunteer.  I have no super powers.  I don't think that superheroes are real, anyway."

"I was kidding around."


The entire time, she just didn't seem to grasp exaggeration or embellishment.  It seriously sucked all of the enjoyment out of the evening, and I don't think that she cracked a smile once.

Finally, dinner was over and I was ready to bring the date to a close.  She asked if we were doing anything else, and I told her that I didn't think that we were a good match.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked.

"No, you just don't seem to get my sense of humor.  It's okay, but we'd both probably be happier with someone else."

Angela looked down and started to cry.  She said, "I really thought we got along."

I said, "Maybe we could stay friends, but–"

"I have to go," she blurted, and left me there to pay the check, which I was planning to do anyway, but I still thought it rude.

She wrote me a one-line e-mail.  It read, "Fine.  I can be a superhero if you want."

The compassionate part of me won over, and I didn't respond.  However, I desperately wanted to write, "You can be 'leave-me-alone-girl.'"


  1. Cue comments defending her Assburgers in 3..2..

  2. ^ Not cool.

  3. In her defense, the OPs sense of humor is pretty lame. It appears to consist of saying something wacky, then saying "Haha, just kidding."

  4. Julie,
    Your meanness sends a chill through my soul.

  5. Hmm, I'm beginning to see that maybe the term "Assburgers" is only understood in the corners of the internet that I'm used to frequenting and hasn't made its way here yet. It certainly isn't used to refer to people who are actually diagnosed with Asperger's, but rather the mouthbreathing, sweaty dork cohort who self-diagnoses via Wikipedia based on their inability to get laid and then defend every misanthropic post they make with, "I'm an Aspie STFU!"

  6. I'm with you wolfdreams. Maybe I just don't have the same sense of humor as he does. Pity.

  7. Julie,

    Who are you to judge whether or not a person may really have Asperger's or is just using it as an excuse for their social ineptitude. Either way, it's still not cool.

    Also... you obviously haven't been here very long if you think anyone here defends or gives reasons for the behavior of a bad date. We're more likely to make fun of them.

    So for three of us now to call you on your comment as being rude or mean... Maybe you should go back to those dark little corners of the internet where you can hide with the rest of the trolls who think you're so cool. Because you obviously aren't going to fit in here and I would hate for you to use a wiki to come up with some other excuse for yourself.

  8. Hey...it's Valentine's Day...a day for love, people!!...Let's spread that instead of all this hatred!

  9. Does anyone else remember a time when all the trolls on this forum would yell "Asperbergers" with a minimum amount of bitching from everyone? (Except Baku, who has a valid reason for taking offense.)

    I'd love to hear Angela's side of this story, although the crying and the really sad email at the end kinda flashed a small "crazy" red flag.

  10. HOLY SHIT NIKKI! ABCOTD commenting has gone P.C.

    Baku-chan, you are sweet and your comments have really been stickin' it to 'em. You are so much meaner than you used to be. Good on ya. But I'm afraid I have to defend Julie in two ways; assburgers was funny, and this blog is getting way too touchy feely here.

    Lighten the fuck up people, this isn't Bully Beatdown. Please keep the sexism, racism, ageism and outrageous insults to a maximum. You're killing the mood.

  11. I agree, Error: we have corrupted Baku almost completely. Do you remember when she used to just say nice things and defend douches and feed trolls? Now she can spew it with the rest of us. *hugs* to Baku-chan!

  12. I thank you folks from the bottom of my heart for corrupting me! XD

    *hugs* <3

  13. Aawwwwwww! You're welcome!

    Hopefully we can band together and get Howie and the Mediator to take it to the next level. Come on guys! You've got to pull your crusty balls out of your mommies purses and join the fray. You're our only hope!

  14. Been there, done that, same sort of conversation, same sort of response. Only the name was different, and this was over a decade before email. I wonder if it was her mother...? No, I don't actually mean her real mother - that was a joke. Oh, nevermind. :o)


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