Why Am I Alone on Saturday Nights?

E-mail Submitted by Margaret:

You say that your favorite smell is trees.  Have you ever smelled a treefart?  They eat a lot of dirt, and when they break wind, it isn't pretty.

Now that I have your attention, I'm Jay.  You must be a woman.  Come to think of it, womanfarts aren't that great either.  I'd say they're worse than manfarts, all because of the varied diet of the female animal.  All that wheat and chocolate.  Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I am a scientist but don't let that put you off.  Most of my humor tends to be science humor.  Been thinking a lot about farts lately.  Farts are a combination of ammonia, methane, sulfides, and hydrogen.  I try to find a highbrow way of discussing them, but I have yet to come up with one.

Reading your profile makes you sound like a little Miss. Manners, so perhaps you can enlighten me.  It was a fun read, and I think that we have a lot in common.  Instead of listing our similarities, just check out my profile and see if we click.  Thank you.



  1. Jesus. He had to discuss farts? Seriously? Honestly, he could have only mailed the last paragraph with a few alterations and this whole thing could have been saved.

    Your profile was a fun read and I think we have a lot in common. Instead of listing our similarities, just check out my profile and see if we click. Thank you.


  2. I. Am. SO thankful that Scientist Boyfriend has NEVER once discussed farts with me. I would probably leave the room, never to speak to him again. I hate the word "fart."

  3. The 'female animal', that's new.

  4. When I think woman farts, I only think "queefs".
    Nothing says 'that was a good shagging' like a chorus of queefs

  5. "Most of my humor tends to be science humor."

    Science = Fart?

  6. Clearly, he's four. This could be a conversation with my friend's four year old boy. He probably also loves to talk about poop, butts and his mommy.


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