The Whole E-mail Is a Title of Something

E-mail Submitted by Jerry:

Hi There.

You Mention In Your Profile That You Like Edgar Allen Poe.  Which Of His Stories Is Your Favorite?  I Like The Cask Of Amontillado.  I've Got A Great Big Smile, Great Big Eyes, And A Great Ass To Complete The Package.  Also I Can Breathe Underwater.  I Don't Like To Prove It Unless I Have To, Thank You Very Much!

I Like Going Clubbing And Dancing And I Love The Beaches Around Here But I Don't Like Fishing Or Fishermen Because They Take Fishing Way Too Seriously.  I Mention This (Although It May Sound Silly) Because There's A Photo Of You At A Beach.  I Hope It's Not You Fishing!

My Mother Wants Grandkids As Soon As Possible.  I'm Not In A Hurry But You Should Know That I'm Looking For Something Serious.  I Know I Can Get Any Guy But Any Guy Won't Do.  Only The Right One For Me!

You Said That You Cook.  What Do You Cook?  Nothing Spicy Please.  Dislike Spiciness To The Hardcore.  Food Is Great Except For Spicy Food!

I Look Forward To Hearing From You.



  1. I Can Breath Underwater Too...So Long As I Remember To Bring My Snorkel.

  2. She capitalizes exactly as she sounds. Retarded.

  3. I Dislike Her Caps To The Hardcore.

  4. I love the title for this post Jared :)

    I like to think this is a video game because she wanted to compete with Dudebro: My Shit is Fucked Up So I Got To Shoot/Slice You II: It's Straight-Up Dawg Time.


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