Pregnant with Delusion

Story Submitted by Deanna:

Marcus and I met up at a Starbucks, one evening, for our first and only date.

He paid for my drink, we sat down, and he said, "So the one question that I'm asked more than anything is if I'm really him.  I am."

I asked him, "If you're really who?"

He said, "Well, you must have Googled me."

I shook my head.  I don't make a habit out of Googling people.

He said, "You're kidding.  I'm world famous.  I was the first man who's ever gotten pregnant."

I laughed, saw that he wasn't laughing, then laughed even harder.

"I'm serious," he said, and I laughed again.  He waited for me to stop and said, "It was when I was 10.  I was taken from my bed, impregnated, kept in stasis for eight months, and then my baby was born and taken from me."

"Eight months?"

He said, "In a man, a baby just has to gestate eight months."

I giggled once more.  He remained very patient with me.  At this point, I still figured that it was a joke, and picturing him pregnant was a funny image.

He said, "I don't know why I was chosen, and my parents deny any knowledge of it.  Still, I know it happened.  I have proof, after all."

"What's your proof?  Did you miss eight months of fourth grade?"

He rolled up his sleeves and showed me identical scars on either arm.  "From where I was restrained.  In stasis," he said.

"Wouldn't your teachers have gotten suspicious of you missing close to an entire school year?"

"Not if I was in stasis during the summer."

"You had eight-month summer breaks?"

He became agitated.  "My parents were probably in on it, and for all I know, my teachers were, too.  And my classmates.  I was in suspended animation for eight months, and I gave birth at the end of it.  I woke up in my bed like nothing happened, but it was eight months later and I didn't have my baby anymore.  I've given interviews about it."

I sat back and smiled.  "Okay.  And the punchline?" I asked.

"There's no punchline.  This is why you should have Googled me.  It's all over the Internet.  Most people are really impressed when they meet me."

"Impressed with your bullshit, maybe."

"I'll prove it!" he said, standing up, "I'll prove it!  You wait here!  You'll see!  I'll be right back!"

He left.  I finished my drink, chuckled a bit more, and left that Starbucks, not to return for a while.  Predictably, I never heard from him again.


  1. That's a big twist on the old Lorenzo von Matterhorn routine.

  2. God, at first I was terrified that he was going to say that he was some celebrity he resembled and honestly believe that he was that person.

    This is even worse.

  3. Is that supposed to get him laid? I don't get it.

  4. Alright he got me. I Googled the scenario and it isn't there. So I'm going for the onset of schizophrenia. Or alien abduction.

  5. I think you should have aborted the date earlier

  6. The "first man" to be preggers was a transgendered man who hadn't yet had sex reassignment surgery. And he was happily married to someone already. And presumably not a douche.

  7. Dammit! Lee Mingwei fooled me too. I didn't hear that was a hoax until now.


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