Of Donuts and Men

Story Submitted by Frank:

Emily and I were out on our first and only date.  She ended almost every sentence with the phrase, "you donut," and a snort.


"Hi Emily.  It's nice to meet you."

"You too, you donut!" *Snort*


"Emily, you played on a baseball team, right?"

"Sure did, you donut!" *Snort*


"Emily, you engulfed that burger in less than 20 seconds."

"And it was great, you fuckin' donut!" *Snort*

Finally, I had to ask her, "Say Emily, why do you keep calling me a donut?"

She sucked down her Diet Coke and said, "My brother calls me a donut.  You know, it's like a term of endearment."

"Would you mind not calling me that?"

She agreed, and then continued saying it for the rest of the date, as if I hadn't asked her to stop doing anything.

After we left the restaurant, she asked, "What are we doing now, you motherfucking donut?" and punched me in the arm.

I said, "Stop calling me a donut.  Please."

"I'm just kidding around," she said, punching my arm again, "You donut."  *Snort*

"Stop calling me a donut!  Or I'll start calling you a fucking bitch.  Would you like that?"

She yelled, "You can just go fuck yourself, you donut!"

I turned away and left.  From behind me, she called, "Come on!  I was just kidding!  Come on, you donut!"

She wrote me a donut-less e-mail apology, but I ignored it. 


  1. This is funny, but so stupid.

  2. You have a problem with donuts or something, pal?

  3. Story submitted by Emily:

    I was on my first date with Frank. I really liked him, so I was nervous when meeting him, and for some reason, I called him what my brother affectionately called me: "you donut."
    He seemed amused by it, and I thought it was pretty endearing, so I called him that a few more times. The first time I knew something was off was when we were having dinner, and he accused me of eating too fast. I didn't think much of it and just shrugged it off, but as the night wore on, he kept looking more and more annoyed. Finally, near the end of the night, he exploded and called me a fucking bitch.

    I figured maybe he was just having a bad night, so I wrote him an apology email. He didn't even have the courtesy to respond.

  4. ...maybe it was her way of hoping that at the end of the date, you'd go down on her and have what we affectionately call a 'glazed donut' face.

  5. @zain : Yea I was just thinking maybe she was nervous. OP sounds like a jackass.

  6. Do y'all think this was the same Frank who used to troll the site being a stupid, self-righteous toolbox? I do...that donut.


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