If You Give a Man a Hug

Story Submitted by Agnes:

Alfred gave me a big hug when we met in person.  It was unexpected (and a little too familiar for a first date) but I thought he was just being super-friendly.

During dinner, we were on the topic of volunteer work I'd done for three local charities when he stood up, walked over to my side of the table, and gave me another hug.  He said, "What you did was beautiful."

I thanked him, then asked him if he wouldn't mind not hugging me anymore.  He let go of me and went back to his seat.  "Sorry," he said, "I'm a hugger.  I like connecting with people."

I told him that I appreciated that, but that it was a little soon to be hugging.  Just a comfort-level thing, was all.

He asked, "Am I allowed to keep talking to you, or is that also too far for a first date?"

Was he really going to play this?  Things had been going well up until that point.  I said, "We can talk, Alfred.  Just less physical stuff."

"I'm not raping you.  It's just a hug.  Most women would kill for a compassionate guy."

"I know you're compassionate, Alfred."

"More compassionate than you, I'd bet."

I steered the conversation away from this, mentally noting that I didn't want to see him again.  After dinner, we took a short walk outside and he said, "I'd take your hand, but I can't have you screaming 'rape' on me."

I didn't say anything to that, and he followed up with, "I guess by your silence that you would scream rape if I held your hand.  That's not normal, Agnes."

I stopped walking and asked him if he wanted to end the date.  He turned it around and asked me if I wanted to.  I hesitated in thought for a moment, then told him that I did.  Not thinking, I put my hand out to him for him to shake.  He jumped back.

"You're trying to trick me into touching you!  I'm wise to your tricks.  No way.  I'd rather hug a slopper."

I likely misheard him, but that's what it sounded like he said.  I put my hand down, said good night, and we went our separate ways.  I wish him luck in finding someone who'll tolerate his antics.


  1. I couldn't not picture him as a little mouse holding a cookie and a glass of milk after reading the title. It made it cuter and less insane. Thank you.

  2. He might have said 'slapper' which is either a UK word for a slut, or someone who slaps people. :)

  3. Jeez, if you'd put up with it for a little while you might have gotten to meet Batman.

  4. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh maaaaaaaaaaaaaan! I wish this was MY Agnes (the one who comments here) because in my mind, that made this even funnier. After he started flipping out about touching, I probably would've gotten all immature panda and started chasing him around screaming, "KISS ME! KISS ME!"

  5. I actually looked up "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie" on youtube after reading the title of this story. ha ha


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