If This Band Has Groupies, Your Band Should Have Groupies

Story Submitted by Wes:

I didn't know how important music was to Caroline until our first date.  We had met online and commiserated over musicians and groups in both the local and national scene.

She told me that a few friends of hers had started a steampunk band and that they had asked her to assist them on a forthcoming Friday night.

She asked, "Do you want to come by, help them out with me for a little bit, then go out afterward?"

I loved the idea.

Her friends had rented about $2,000 worth of lighting and camera equipment to tape a music video in a big backyard.  I was impressed, and when I arrived and actually saw the cases of equipment, I couldn't help but be excited for the night to come.

Unfortunately, that was the high point.

Caroline, who I had gotten to know online over the past few weeks, barely even acknowledged that I was there.  I gave her a big smile and was ready for a hug, a handshake, a nod – anything.

When I introduced myself to her, she looked up and said, "Hey.  You can help out on the lights."

Someone douse me.  It's getting hot in here.

I've been on some sets, and I'm certainly no expert, but I did the best I could with the lighting.

"What's this?" the band's lead singer, a six-foot-five stick asked, pointing at the lights, "Can we have something a bit more unconventional, please?"

So saying, he reached for a light to reposition it with his bare hands.  Stage lights can burn at hundreds of degrees, and I shouted a warning to him.

He froze, whimpered, and scampered away.  Caroline yelled at me, "What was that for?  You scared him!"

I was so stunned that my mind went blank.  Still, I tried to make the best out of the situation and bond with Caroline to the best of my ability.

I asked her to tell me about the band.  She said that she was too busy "counting wires."  I asked her what I could do to help.  She told me to stay out of her way.  I thought about leaving, but I realized that, ironically, aside from her, I rather liked being there, setting things up on set.

We were a couple of hours behind schedule when the band was ready to perform.  The lighting was horrendous: all coming from one direction, but Caroline had long since relieved me of my lighting duties.  Whatever she/they wanted, at that point.

She and another helper were trying to work the video camera.  They couldn't get it to turn on, even though it was plugged in.

The lead singer said, "It's a piece of crap!" and I knew I had to act.  I had, after all, used a similar camera in the past.

I asked Caroline if I could try.  She said, "It's expensive," as if I was a three-year-old, asking to use it.

I flipped a switch and the thing turned on.  No, no need to thank me.  And no one did.  Caroline yelled, "Plug in the amp, and let's rock!"

Not a minute later, the power blew.

Caroline went hysterical, screamed, and one of the other assistants asked her to go into the house to grab more extension cords.

She ended up walking into a door and I drove her home.

"So," I said on the ride, "That was an eventful first date."

She didn't say anything, and to be fair, it was a rude comment.  I was past the point of caring, though.  If anything, I was upset with her for making me look forward to meeting her in the first place, but it didn't matter at that point.

I didn't return to the backyard, so I have no idea if they at all succeeded in making their music video.


  1. You should've found out the band's name so we can find them online and mock them relentlessly. Also, I thought steampunk was a literary genre, not musical.

    1. It's become an artistic movement in general. At this point it has as much to do with music and visual art as with literature.

  2. Evidently they were using Steampunk equipment. You were in the middle of an uninspired SPideo. Technically, there should have been no electricity.

  3. bet the band name was Without a Clue...


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