I Will Possess Your Soul

E-mail Submitted by Tom:

Hi hi:

I'm so very impressed with your profile.  Did you really write it all by yourself?

I sell vintage clothes.  Do you know Fredo at all?  He's all hot and totally cute (but he's gay so don't worry about me running off with him)!

So you say that you like dancing.  That's hardly clear since there are so many types of dancing.  Your Religion also says "other."  For some reason, I assume that means that you worship SATAN.  What's he done for you lately?  Huh?  Huh?

I can't dateb someone who actually worships Satan.  That's a dealbreaker for me.  Sorry if I offended you.



  1. What are you waiting for? You have to take her out.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. During the Golden Globes, Ricky Gervais said: "I'd like to thank God for making me an atheist." Classic!

  4. I'm having a hard time figuring out why someone would randomly toss out names thinking that you'd know who they're talking about, at least via a dating site.

    So, some proper responses:
    - I don't worship Satan. I do worship Fredo.
    - The only type of dancing I like is the type that involves Fredo.
    - Satan has done a lot for me lately: he's delivered me Fredo.
    - I am offended that you've used Fredo's name in vain.

  5. I know Fredo as a chocolate bar shaped like a frog.. in that case I would prefer to take Fredo out than her.

  6. You broke my heart, Fredo. You broke my mother fuckin', tiny, Italian heart.

  7. Satan made me go to a family reunion last weekend where no matter how much I drank, I still could not get drunk enough to block out the fact that I was related to these people. I knew Satan was behind it when it hit 85 degrees and I was sweating my ass off, fending of the urge to throw my born again christian cousin in the pool. Now that I think about it, that bitch was the only one that got drunk!

  8. There should be a tag just for "nit-picky dipshit" emails. Why do all these morons think it's a good idea to start a conversation via irritating criticism?

    Also, Error, you coulda claimed you were just reminding your born-again Christian cousin of her baptism after hurling her into the pool. So thoughtful!

  9. Tell her you're a Wiccan and you can't date her because your God and Goddess both said not to.

  10. @Ravenhallow - That's a good one! I will certainly remember that the next time, she's always trying to save one of us at these things. I for one don't want to be saved. Thanks for the tip!


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