Story Submitted by Chris:
Margo had a cat. Her cat's name was "Ball 'o String." Margo loved Ball 'o String.
All three of her dating site profile pictures were of her posing with her cat. All of her messages to me (to be fair, I wrote her first) mentioned something about the cat. I just took it to mean that she loved animals. Nothing wrong with that.
At dinner, she showed me a small album on her phone of things Ball 'o String had done that day. Most of the pictures were of the cat, asleep. I wish I was making that up, but sadly, I'm not.
During dinner, she asked me if I wanted to go back to her place to "meet the cat." That screamed euphemism to me, so I followed her back to her apartment.
When we went inside, she turned the lights on. "Ball 'o String," she called, "Where are you?"
She looked under the couches, looked upstairs, looked downstairs, looked outside, and looked under the couches again. "Can you help me?" she asked, "I'm looking for Ball 'o String."
I looked everywhere that I thought a cat would go. Into cupboards, behind curtains, in the fridge, everywhere. I wanted to help, but didn't really want to spend the better part of the evening searching for a hiding cat.
Margo said, "Maybe it's you. Can you go outside for a little bit? She might come out."
"Does she usually do this? For how long does she go off hiding?" I asked, which I thought was a reasonable question.
"As long as she wants! If she hides all night, she hides all night! Are you asking me to choose between you and Ball 'o String?"
"No."
"Good. Because I'd let you die in place of that cat any day of the week. You have no idea what she means to me."
"I'll go outside."
I did just that, but I left out the part about me getting into my car and driving far, far away from the crazy lady and her stupidly-named cat.
"Meet the cat" screamed euphemism to you....!?!
ReplyDeleteI wish you were making that up, but sadly, you're weren't.
Oh it's not so silly really, give that another word for cat is also an euphemism for another thing altogether. But yeah, OP should've picked up sooner that this lady had long chosen kittens over roosters.
ReplyDelete^ Granted...but he KNEW before hand she was crazy about her cat.
ReplyDeleteWhy does it feel like that cat died a long time ago?
ReplyDeleteI'm with Howie. Her obsessive love for her cat was pretty clear from the beginning; he should have guessed she meant the cat instead her reproductive system.
ReplyDelete"Good. Because I'd let you die in place of that cat any day of the week. You have no idea what she means to me."
ReplyDeleteUmmmmn... Yeah he DID know... That's why he left.
No mention of her trying to reestablish contact, so sadly, Margo was Ball 'o Crazy and probably glad he was gone.
"I looked everywhere that I thought a cat would go. Into cupboards, behind curtains, in the fridge, everywhere." How would a cat have gotten in the fridge on its own?
ReplyDeleteMediator: I was thinking the same thing.
ReplyDelete