I Slept Through Second Grade Science

Story Submitted by Sy:

Moira and I had planned to meet at 6:30pm. At 6:00, she called to inform me that she'd be a little late. At 6:25, I was already at the restaurant and she called to tell me that she'd be later still. I sat down, ordered a basket of bread, and waited for her.

She showed up around 6:50, her long hair very wet. She apologized and told me that she had overslept a nap. I told her that it wasn't a problem and that I would have been fine waiting if she had wanted to take the time to dry her hair.  She said she'd be all right, and so the date commenced.

Dinner was awkward, as she kept running her fingers through her hair to "make it dry faster," as she put it.  It was distracting,, but not half as distracting as the fact that she chewed with her mouth open.  I didn't want to be impolite, but I couldn't keep looking at her chewings, so I looked away when she spoke as much as I could.

When dinner was over, I asked her if she was ready to go.  She asked, "Can we wait for my hair to dry a bit more?  I don't think they'll kick us out."

I didn't have a problem with that.  She wasn't good at conversation and didn't seem very interested in me, so it became a series of questions on my part and short, terse answers on hers.  All the while, I willed her hair to become dry enough for us to leave.

I decided to talk about myself after a while, because I had run out of things to ask her.  I gave her a quick version of what I was all about, and she asked me nothing, although she played with her hair continually.

At the end of my four-minute life story, I asked her if she was ready to go.  She stood up and said that she had an idea.  She left for the bathroom.

When she came back, her hair looked even wetter.  "I rubbed some hot water in," she explained, "I think it evaporates faster."

I didn't think that was how the water cycle worked, and I told her so.  She said, "I'm not keeping you here."

I tried speaking to her for a few more minutes.  At one point she shook her hair, like a dog, and sprayed droplets all over me.  She apologized, but I was done.  I stood and told her that I was going to go, and she wished me a good night.

She e-mailed me to say that she had a good time and offered to friend me on Facebook.  I wrote her back to thank her and to decline the offer.