But Honey, I Thought That Filth Impressed You

Story Submitted by Sandra:

Kenneth and I met at work and had been dating for a couple of months when he invited me to a party at his friend Nick’s apartment.  I had recently moved to Boston from a different country, so I was excited to get to meet new people. Kenneth mentioned we’d be able to crash there, and that sounded like a plan, considering we got off work at nine so it was bound to become a late night.

It took us two and a half hours and uncountable bus transfers to get to Nick’s. His one-bedroom apartment was appalling: moldy, soaked in cigarette stench, and messy as hell.

I collected myself, as Nick, who sat on the only chair in the room, smoking a joint and playing a video game, looked up and invited me to sit on the floor and have some of the joint. “What the hell,” I thought, considering that a cab home would have probably cost me my weekly pay-check and we had made it out on the last bus of the day, so there was really no way out. Might as well just make it through the night alive and then have a story to tell about the strange ways of Americans to my friends back home.

It didn’t take long to realize that calling the event a “party” was a bit of a stretch.  It turned out to be just the two of them playing a PlayStation game, getting baked, and eating whatever they happened to find lying on the floor. I’m not much of a stoner, and when I get high I tend to get introverted, to the grand displeasure of Nick.

He asked me many questions varying from my bra-size to my intentions with Kenneth, interrupted by curses or cries of joy related to his video game. They never even offered to let me try to play despite me asking them to give me a go. Instead, Nick criticized how “reserved and boring” I was, and always prodded me to, “Say something! Tell me a story!”

After a couple of tedious hours, Nick whispered something to Kenneth and went to the bathroom. The bathroom, from what I had seen, was so small that you would bump your knees against the wall while squatting over a toilet that no sane person would ever sit on.

So off to the bathroom Nick went and Kenneth came up to me excitedly and said “Hey, Nick agreed to spend the next half-hour in the bathroom, so...” and he gently pushed me towards the dodgy bed that was lying in the corner, covered in coats and clothes, with no sheets.

I shuddered and pushed him away.  I said, "I don't think I'm very comfortable banging you in a stranger's bed while said stranger waits for us in a one-square-meter bathroom."

It took Kenneth a while to give up and resume gaming. Later, Nick slept on the floor but swore, "I'll keep my back to you guys all night long so you can have your sexy privacy."

I did end up on the bed with Kenneth (I had to sleep, after all) and he tried to put his fingers in my pants.  I kept moving away  from him and eventually we all fell asleep.

By six I was dressed and out of there. It took me a long time to find my way home, but man, was I glad to be out.


  1. God, what an idiot. Was there absolutely no one you could call to come and get you?

    You knew it was a bad scene the moment they opened the door, but lucky for you it didn't turn out any worse.

  2. I'm with the Mediator on this one... You're not raped or dead because of how good these two guys were. So, despite being complete losers by your description, you decided to trust your fate in their hands.

  3. Why is it always the first douchebag that foreigners encounter is immediately the representative for all Americans?

  4. They'd been dating a *couple of months*. Not really a "raped or dead" situation.

  5. ...Dating a "couple of months" and he actually tried to put his 'fingers in your pants'! The nerve!!!! I wonder howie felternsatch before this night..

  6. But did you break up with him after this?


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