You Won't Be Needing One Tonight, it Seems

Story Submitted by Nicole:

Right after college, I had a job as a secretary for a company that imported metals and plastics.  Not terribly exciting, although there was another assistant in the office with me: Jason.

We were fast friends.  He was responsible for labeling packages (seriously, that's about all he ever did) and I would answer the phone, which would ring on average twice a day.  Jason would sometimes even invite friends into the office to hang out.  It was actually a strange job – our boss almost never came in.  Regardless, Jason and I bonded, and one time, right before we closed up for the day, he kissed me.

I liked him, and we went out to dinner on a Friday night after work was done for the week. 

We met outside a restaurant and he gave me a hug.  He said, "It's great to see you," opened the door for me, and mumbled something.  I didn't hear him, and at the time, I didn't think anything of it.

We sat down, and he asked me if anything on the drink menu looked good.  Then he mumbled something again.  At first, it sounded like he said, "In addendum."

"What did you say?  I didn't hear," I asked.

He said, "Nothing.  Take a look at the drink menu," then he waited a second and added that mumbled line again.

I figured he was being silly, and I decided to ignore it for the time being.  He didn't add it after every statement, but probably after every five.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.  Our dinners had been served, we were talking about the sorts of jobs that we wanted (as opposed to the job that we had) and he added that mumbled line again.  What was he saying?  "In addendum"?  "Compendium"?  "In a con room"?

"What is that?" I asked, "What do you keep saying?  The same mumbled line, over and over."

He said, "It's nothing.  I'll stop."

"No.  What is it?  Tell me the truth."

He gave me a frown, then looked around, as if afraid that someone else was going to hear his explanation.  He pulled his phone out of his breast pocket and hit a button on it.

"Were you recording me?" I asked, a little freaked out.

He said, "No!  Nothing like that.  I just... I had a bet with my friend.  He said he'd give me five bucks every time I said, 'With a condom' while I was out with you tonight."

I stared, unbelieving.  He said, "It's just to make some cash.  It's not a big deal."

"Okay," I said, deciding that I wanted to end the date as quickly and politely as possible.

"What's wrong?" he asked, as if nothing should have been wrong.

I asked, "You don't think that that's really rude and disrespectful?  You're just out with me to make some money?"

"No!  I'm out with you because I like you.  Making the money's just like a fringe benefit."

I was stunned into silence, but not for long.  I told him, "I understand, now.  Call your friend back and tell him that things are still going according to plan.  I'll help you get more money out of him, but I want a cut."

Jason stared at me, stupidly.  He said, "You mean it?"

I nodded.  Jason called his friend up and whispered into the phone, "She almost figured it out, but I came up with a great excuse and she bought it."

He listened for his friend's response, and I grabbed the phone and said into it, "Don't pay Jason anything.  He explained it all to me and I let him say it as much as he wanted."

I slammed the phone on the table and smiled at Jason.  He grabbed the phone and scrambled to say, "That's not true!  I didn't tell her anything!  She's lying..."

At least, that's what I thought he said, but by that point, I was out the door.