You Won't Be Needing One Tonight, it Seems

Story Submitted by Nicole:

Right after college, I had a job as a secretary for a company that imported metals and plastics.  Not terribly exciting, although there was another assistant in the office with me: Jason.

We were fast friends.  He was responsible for labeling packages (seriously, that's about all he ever did) and I would answer the phone, which would ring on average twice a day.  Jason would sometimes even invite friends into the office to hang out.  It was actually a strange job – our boss almost never came in.  Regardless, Jason and I bonded, and one time, right before we closed up for the day, he kissed me.

I liked him, and we went out to dinner on a Friday night after work was done for the week. 

We met outside a restaurant and he gave me a hug.  He said, "It's great to see you," opened the door for me, and mumbled something.  I didn't hear him, and at the time, I didn't think anything of it.

We sat down, and he asked me if anything on the drink menu looked good.  Then he mumbled something again.  At first, it sounded like he said, "In addendum."

"What did you say?  I didn't hear," I asked.

He said, "Nothing.  Take a look at the drink menu," then he waited a second and added that mumbled line again.

I figured he was being silly, and I decided to ignore it for the time being.  He didn't add it after every statement, but probably after every five.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.  Our dinners had been served, we were talking about the sorts of jobs that we wanted (as opposed to the job that we had) and he added that mumbled line again.  What was he saying?  "In addendum"?  "Compendium"?  "In a con room"?

"What is that?" I asked, "What do you keep saying?  The same mumbled line, over and over."

He said, "It's nothing.  I'll stop."

"No.  What is it?  Tell me the truth."

He gave me a frown, then looked around, as if afraid that someone else was going to hear his explanation.  He pulled his phone out of his breast pocket and hit a button on it.

"Were you recording me?" I asked, a little freaked out.

He said, "No!  Nothing like that.  I just... I had a bet with my friend.  He said he'd give me five bucks every time I said, 'With a condom' while I was out with you tonight."

I stared, unbelieving.  He said, "It's just to make some cash.  It's not a big deal."

"Okay," I said, deciding that I wanted to end the date as quickly and politely as possible.

"What's wrong?" he asked, as if nothing should have been wrong.

I asked, "You don't think that that's really rude and disrespectful?  You're just out with me to make some money?"

"No!  I'm out with you because I like you.  Making the money's just like a fringe benefit."

I was stunned into silence, but not for long.  I told him, "I understand, now.  Call your friend back and tell him that things are still going according to plan.  I'll help you get more money out of him, but I want a cut."

Jason stared at me, stupidly.  He said, "You mean it?"

I nodded.  Jason called his friend up and whispered into the phone, "She almost figured it out, but I came up with a great excuse and she bought it."

He listened for his friend's response, and I grabbed the phone and said into it, "Don't pay Jason anything.  He explained it all to me and I let him say it as much as he wanted."

I slammed the phone on the table and smiled at Jason.  He grabbed the phone and scrambled to say, "That's not true!  I didn't tell her anything!  She's lying..."

At least, that's what I thought he said, but by that point, I was out the door.


  1. Kinda short-sighted IMO; I realize you don't work with him anymore, but you were going to have to see him Monday morning.

    I'd be more interested to hear how that went.

  2. Good call. I have to applaud her for standing up to a prick in the moment, but in an office of two, things can become awkward with 100% of your coworkers far too easily.

  3. ^ Agreed...something stinks about this story and it's not the pre-lubricated condom.

  4. I think it's entirely possible, though, for someone to act this way without thought to the consequences. There's no question that the guy deserved it, and if she sat there and took it, everyone would gang up on her for being spineless.

  5. I think this woman needs to get a sense of humor. It was a silly little bet, and if I were her I would have played along with it and had fun with it. If anything it would have made for interesting conversation, and maybe she could have gotten a cut of the money too. She definitely overreacted.

  6. ^ I disagree. I would be offended if someone used going out with me to make money. It was sneaky and disrespectful.

  7. I think it's hysterical and I would have totally helped him to win the bet but then again I'm not easily offended and find things like that funny. Oh well that's just me to each their own.

  8. She was pretty stupid in this situation. So he mumbled something with a stupid side bet with his friend; It has nothing to do with her.

  9. @Baku-chan
    I have to agree, it was a stupid idea for him to even consider if he cared about her in the slightest. What did he think, that she wouldn't notice? That being said...

    The damage already being done, I probably would have gone along with it as long as I got a cut. Wouldn't have gone out with him again after that though.

    He didn't just mumble once, he was mumbling continuously thoughout the - remember this part - DATE. Not some forgettable stupid night out with friends, a date that was supposed to mean something.

  10. Dammit when OP said she was going to help him for a cut of the money I thought she was awesome.

    Then the story continued. Sigh.

  11. Melissa, I totally agree. OP was cool and then she was annoying. Oh well.


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