There Are Indeed Better Ways

Story Submitted by Martha:

Karl and I met online.  He was a smooth talker, had a disarming smile, and was definitely the kind of guy you bring home to mother.  He'd always ask me how my day was, he sent me a box of chocolates just because, and he'd ask for my advice on a regular basis.  He was respectful.

Our first date was dinner and dancing.  He was a great conversationalist and I felt just as great with him as I hoped I would.  He could also tear up a dance floor.  I learned a lot about him that night that I liked, and he even taught me some great swing moves.  Bliss!

We walked arm-in-arm away from the dance studio.  He told me a story about how he had danced his little sister right into a punchbowl at an event when he was younger.  I laughed, and he pulled me in for a kiss, right there on the street.

It was just as warm and sweet as I had imagined it would be.  I didn't want it to stop, but then he did something I didn't expect.

Karl slid his hand down from my shoulder to my side, to my stomach, and to my pants.  He then jammed his hand in and yanked up on my underwear's waistband.

I pushed away from him and he let go.  While stuffing my underwear back into my pants, I asked him, "What are you doing?"

He gave me a look that screamed, you're an idiot, and said, "Stimulating your clit."

I said, "There are better ways and better places to do that.  I think that's going a little far for a first date."

"I've always thought that pink underpants were cute," he said, then leaned towards me for another kiss.  It lasted a few seconds before I pulled away again.

I said, "I'll get you a pair, then."

"I want those.  Gimmie them."

"I think we should call it a night."

Damn!  Damn!  Damn!  He had come across as such a good guy!  Why did he have to be an asshole and ruin it?

He asked, "Can I just put my hand on your crotch?" as I walked away.  "At least let me walk you to your car," were the last words I heard him say, as I quickened my pace enough to leave him far behind.

Not long after, a friend of mine met him independently and was raving to me about him.  I told her that story and she dropped him.  Hopefully, he won't ensnare anyone else.


  1. Another first date rule: don't say crotch. Actually, that's a pretty good rule in general.

  2. That is ridiculous! And sooo unfair that the date was going so awesome up until that point! Geez! Guys should come with warnings-IF we think things are going well, we'll go for the underwear"..ugh! So, annoying!

  3. Aside from the obvious issues with him trying to get intimate WAY too quickly: this guy sadly thinks that giving a woman a vaginal wedgie is a legitimate way to try to turn her on. Really, guy?

    That is some pretty serious sexual incompetence.

  4. You met him online and he sent you a box of chocolates before the first date...so before the first date with this guy you met online he knew where you lived or worked and sent you things? and that isn't weird?

  5. "Can I just put my hand on your crotch?"

    Hmmm..I'll play devil's advocate here and assume that since the date was over, he wanted to pick up a magazine to read and needed his fingers moist to help turn the pages? Is this plausible?

  6. Howie, that's a gross disgusting remark.

    This is a man who clearly can't think of anything higher than what people do with their "lowers," and he only acted the dashing caballero to gain access to his date's "lowers." So, to gain access to said "lowers," he pretended like he had a heart. Kinda the Tin Man in reverse

  7. Isn't there a magazine called "Lowers"?

  8. Why,thank you for noticing Sparkina!

  9. This story haunted me last night. A vaginal wedgie is a horrible thing to do to a woman. And then try to rip her panties off in the same manner? It's disturbing and THIS is when you slap a fool.

  10. Howie's purpose on this site is to provide us with gross, disgusting, yet humorous comments!

    I <3 Howie

  11. I thought the date was a ringpiece, then I read the 'lowers' comment and now I feel... Kind of unclean. Lowers???

  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

  13. I feel the need to post my requisite "BLARF-AGH" interactive noise comment, as my stomach turns in response to these types of stories.


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